How Real Church Should Look

Church is not a building. It's the people of God and the community they build. I've been blessed to experience what real Church looks like and from this environment I was able to truly able to grow in Christ.

They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Acts 2:42 NASB

The first Century church, as described in Acts, did life together. They didn't just see each other on Sabbath for a few hours; they ate meals together, laughed together, cried together, sold their belongs to support each other, and most importantly, worshiped together. Luckily, I've had friends like this my whole life, which I credit as part of the reason I've been able to develop such a strong relationship with God.

In my teenage years, the spiritual aspect of these friendships was spearheaded by adults. So while my friends and I maintained a relationship similar to the first century church, we weren't actively cultivating our relationship with God. It wasn't until recently that I met a group of people I could truly live this experience with. It was life changing, and I wish every Christian could have that opportunity.

References

1. Adorned by Adanna Website
2. Styled by Jah Instagram

Leadership | Dealing With the Devil (Part 5)

Introduction

This is a continuation of a study I'm doing on "Dealing with the Devil," based on a 30 day scripture plan I found by The Ruffled Mango.[1] In this post, I'm covering days 19 and 20—we're going to look at:

• 1 Timothy 3:1-3
• 1 Timothy 3:4-7

³This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. ²A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; ³Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 1 Timothy 3:1-3 KJV

1 Timothy 3:1-3: Characteristics of a Leader

This passage defines the traits of a "bishop" (KJV) or "overseerer" (NASB), which is simply put, a leader. These traits are echoed in Titus 1:7-9.

Though this passage is likely referring to leadership within the church, it is fitting for all areas of our life. We should be exemplifying this definition of leadership in every aspect of our lives. Remember, just because you are not officially a leader, it doesn't mean soemone isn't looking up to you as a leader!

Good Traits to Have

• Blameless
• Monogamous
• Vigilant
• Sober (Sober-Minded)
• Hospitable
• Good Behavior
• Teacher
• Patient

Bad Traits to Have

• Drunken
• Quarrelsome
• Violent
• Greedy
• Covetous

⁴One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; ⁵(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) ⁶Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. ⁷Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. 1 Timothy 3:4-7 KJV

1 Timothy 3:4-7: Pride & Rapport

In the next part of the passage, 2 major things are called out as being behind the fall of a good leader: pride and ill rapport with the poor.

One thing I'd like to call attention to is the statement that a leader should not be a novice. In most organizations I've been in, the president of the organization is required to have been in the organization for some period of time and to have held a position within the executive board (e.g., Vice-President, Treasurer, or Secretary) prior to becoming president. It is unwise to have someone who doesn't understand the process, the history, or the mission, in a position of power.

Knowing this, it also makes sense that the fist test of leadership is your own life and family. Note, that is not to say that if your family does not fit the perfect image that you are a bad person or even that you are a bad leader, however it does mean that perhaps you time should be spent with your family instead. I've often wondered if the reason peacher's children have a reputation for actting out is because they are seeking attention from a parent who gives all their attention to the church. Sometimes we are capable of providing the necessary attention and dedication to both, but sometimes we are not. In the latter case, it's ok to take a break or to step down to focus on family.

Conclusion

This passage teaches us about the importance of leadership. The reason it is important to follow God's outline of leadership and to elect Godly leaders is because this is the easiest way for the devil to "take over." If Satan can cause one leader to fall, he can wrestle many souls from God. A perfect example of this is all the heinous crimes committed by so-called leaders of the church, such as the phedophila scandal in Catholicism, that turns people away from God.

We each have a responsibility to hold our leaders to this definition of leadership and to be leaders by this definition.

References

1. "June Scripture Writing Plan". The Ruffled Mango; visited October 4, 2020
2. "Strong's G1985. ἐπίσκοπος". Blue Letter Bible; visited November 7, 2020
3. "Strong's G4131. πλήκτης". Blue Letter Bible; visited November 7, 2020

A Message for my Grandpa

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Gita Krishnamurti

A stranger asked if I was related to you,
They saw the resemblence
Even when I can't remember your face.
We have the same favorite food
And I talk a mile a minute, like you...
They say we're just alike
Even when I never learned your ways
We probably would have been close
But time was too short.

If you're starting to notice a theme with these poems, you're not crazy! I found a challenge for the month of October where you're supposed to write a letter each day and it tells you "who" the letter is for. I decided to do said letters as poems and incorporate them into the 365 day poetry challenge, so the ones that aren't too personal are being posted as my poem of the day.

A Mother-Daughter Convo

If you would just listen to me Sometimes I just want to express myself Without you criticizing me— When you were my age, Things were different. You don't understand We're nothing alike But I'm trying to find my way Trying to find myself And I need help

If you would just listen to me Without criticizing me— When I was your age... We didn't do these things I've been there before We're just alike I want to help

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Eye for Ebony

Family Reunions on Zoom

I'm used to living next door to my family and now they're 10 hours away. In the age of COVID, that 10 hours seems farther than ever but Zoom been coming through with the save. God never puts us in darkness without creating pockets of light to guide us to the other side. I've seen so many family members in the past few months that I haven't been able to see, and I'm hoping to see even more in the next few months.

Pandemic

Please take care
And mind your mental health.
No one is 100% OK
During this crisis
Especially when we're so far away
My friends, my family—
I love you;
COVID-19 will never change that.

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Vera Davidova

My Grandmother's Cookie Jar

A yellow cookie jar
     glossy and round
Sits on the countertop
     old and worn.

The lid no longer fits,
Air seeps through the cracks—
The cookies go stale
and I'm disappointed...

I could fill it up
With tiny snickers bars
Another piece of you
The long lost owner.

Or I could tuck it away
Just a piece of nostalgia
With no real purpose
Left in its brokenness...

This old cookie jar
     yellow and worn
Still sits on the countertop
     repurposed and reborn.

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/

Origin

Photocredit: Unplash.com/Jeremy Bishop

Brown—
The color of soil
Ripe for planting seeds
That grow bountiful plants—
Beautiful blooms and healthy harvests...
Hands,
Work steadily in the sun,
Brown from the golden rays,
They feast on scintillating crops
Seasoned for the soul and perfectly prepared...
Lifted
My spirit each evening—
Sitting around the dinner table,
Antique wood—brown and rich
With memories spanning lifetimes of generation,
Familiar folk tales and memories made...
Me
In the middle
Of wise old women
Shaped and sharpened by time—
The brown bags of betrayal beneath their eyes...
High—
We aim, above and
Beyond our wildest dreams
Covered by this brown that births
Life, gifted by God for glory and greatness.

Would You Rather?: Fatherly Treatment

Would you rather is a fun game to play, particularly when getting to know someone. A person is asked to choose betwen two things of equal desiring—making it hard to decide and opening dialouge as to why the person chooses the option they choose. Recently I stumbled accross several versions of "Would You Rather?: Bible Edition" and found the questions quite intriguing. I've decided to answer one every Sabbath. Let me know your answer to today's "Would You Rather?" in the comment section.

Would you rather deceive you dad to receive a blessing or have your dad think you have been killed?

Answer: Deceive my dad for a blessing

Backstory

Jacob Deceives Isaac

Jacob and his twin brother Esau had a rocky relationship to say the least. Esau sold his birthright to Jacob (Genesis 25), however, I'm not sure if included the blessing or not (technically the blessing was the right of eldest, so a birthright). Regardless, when the time came for their father to deliver the blessing, Esau was notified and made plans to receive his blessing. Meanwhile Jacob went in to action to deceive the father into thinking he was his brother Esau—he even received the help from his mother. In the end Jacob receives the blessing through deceit, since his father believes him to be Esau during the bestowing process.[1]

Joseph's Death Faked

Joseph also had a poor relationship with his brothers. Joseph is the favored son by Jacob, and by telling on his brothers when they do wrong, he cements his elder brothers' dislike for him. The relationship becomes so strained that the brothers decide to sell him into slavery. After getting rid of Joseph, they need something to tell their father, so they concot a story about him being killed by animals. They even shred his coat as evidence of the attack.[2]

Rationale

This would you rather is hard; I'm not really sure which scenario is worse. Jacob is an active participant in what happens, but Joseph's situation is more painful for the father.

One thing to consider about Jacob's actions is that he deceived both his brother and his father. I am of the mindset that in selling his birthright, Esau technically sold the blessing and God's instructions told Isaac to bless Jacob (the younger son), which means Jacob with "right." Still, I think there is something to be said in how you handle these types of deception. Despite Esau verbally accepting Jacob's apology, the ramifications of this brotherly fued lasted through their descendents leading to the rift between the Israelites (descended from Jacob) and the Edomites (descended from Esau). We do not see how it affects Jacob's relationship with his father other than the fact that he is sent away to save his life.

And the Lord said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger. Genesis 25:23 KJV

Joseph, on the other hand, is almost blameless in his situation—I say almost because perhaps he could have been more self aware of the favoritism he was shown and sympathetic to his brothers' feelings, which may have kept them from getting quite as angry with him. Regardless, the concoted lie and Joseph's absence were all the fault of Joseph's brothers.

³¹And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood; ³²And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son's coat or no. Genesis 37:31-32 KJV

From a self-responsibility standpoint, I would want to be Joseph. However, from a consequence standpoint, things get much trickier.

While Jacob's action did lead to him fleeing for his life, there doesn't appear to be an distress placed upon Isaac as a result. If Jacob hadn't fled, he wouldn't have met his wives, so something good did come from the event. The worst consequence is the fighting between Israel and Edom, but God prophesied that before the twins were born. Esau sold his birthright, so Jacob was always going to come out on top. I think Edom would have been at odds with Israel even if Jacob had gone about collecting the blessing in a more acceptable manner.

Joseph's situation had much larger consequences (for better and for worse). No parent wants to bury their child. I can only imagine the anguish Jacob felt upon being led to beleive that his second-youngest son, the miracle child of his most beloved wife, was dead. While the brothers may have been in less trouble than if they had outright confessed to selling him into slavery, I imagine Jacob lit into them for not protecting their little brother. Thus, the brothers had to live with the guilt of knowing what they did and still didn't gain favor in the father's eyes. Meanwhile, Joseph was enslaved. It may have worked out for the better in the end, but he spent a considerable time as a slave and a prisoner! Of course, if Joseph hadn't been sold into slavery, no one would have survived the famine, including his family.

I don't have siblings to steal from, but if I'm being honest, I probably have already misled my parents about sometihng to get what I wanted. I can't think of anything, but I definitely went behind my mom's back and convinced my grandmother to buy me a set of pens I wanted. It seems likely I would have said I needed something for school when I didn't or inferred I would do more chores if they bought something I wanted only to never do said chores. So, since I've probably already done that, I think I'm going to say I'd rather deceive my dad, even though Joseph's situation is the more noble of the two. (I asked my dad the inverse of this question after writing my response, and he said he would rather be deceived that to think his child was dead, so we're on the same page!)

Which would you rather do?

References and Footnotes

1. Genesis 27
2. Genesis 37
3. I found many versions of "Whould You Rather?: Scripture Edition"; this question was found in a version made by Megan Briggs of Church Leaders

Speak Life feat. Sam

This episode is about the importance of how we talk about people (and ourselves. When I was in graduate school, I was appalled to see caregivers constantly tell small children how "bad" they were—especially when the kids were not doing anything outside of normal child behavior. In the Bible, patriarchs of families took the time to speak prophecies of greatness (or disaster) over their children and each of these prophecies came true. These parents understood the power of the tongue and wielded it to lift up the children they saw potential in and tear down those they saw on a path of destruction. I see a lot of the latter in our society today, but not as much as the first. Sam and I discussed the general apathy people have for what they're saying and have come to the conclusion that we should be much more precise in how we speak about others.

No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 CSB

Examples of Patriarchs speaking blessings and curses over their children:

• Noah curses Canaan, blesses Shem (Genesis 9:24-27)
• Isaac blesses Jacob, lowkey curses Esau (Genesis 27)
• Jacob blesses/curses his sons (Genesis 49)

People often express their disdain for a person's decisions by condemning the child and set low expectations/standards from the onset due to their experience with the parent.

²⁰From the fruit of a person’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
he is filled with the product of his lips.

²¹Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:20-21 CSB

Have you ever seen parents speak blessings on their children the way the patriarchs did?

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 NKJV

The Power of the Tongue

• Ephesians 4:29
• James 1:19-26-8
• James 3:5-12
• Matthew 12:24
• Matthew 15:11
• 1 Peter 3:10
• Proverbs 10:19
• Proverbs 15:4
• Proverbs 15:8
• Proverbs 17:9
• Proverbs 17:27-28
• Proverbs 12:6-7
• Proverbs 12:13-14
• Proverbs 12:18-19
• Proverbs 15:1-2
• Proverbs 18:6
• Proverbs 18:20-21
• Proverbs 21:23
• Psalm 34:13
• Psalm 52:2-9
• Titus 3:1-2

I used to say I felt bad and then I actually felt bad. There is actually evidence that you can make yourself sick that![1]

The verses Sam mentions about "speaking life" and "dry bones" are in Ezekiel 37

Nehemiah & Clearing Debt

In the episode we veered off topic a bit to talk about unity and the tendency for opposition to come from the inside. I mentioned the podcast I did on Nehemiah and how he dealt with a situation where the rich Israelites were taking advantage of and abusing the poor Israelites. That episode is linked below;[3] the verse I mentioned in reference to debt being cleared after 7 years is found in Deuteronomy 15:1.

The Law of Attraction is Not Christian

It's really hard to wrap our around this concept with veering to "the Law of Attraction" and saying things like "speak it into existence" and "name it and claim it." The danger of most New Age teachings is that they get somethings, maybe even most things right—but a little leaven leavens the whole lump (Galatians 5:9)! The missing piece is God. There is power in The Word, not my word. I can only speak something into existence if I have surrendered my voice to God and it is actually the Holy Spirit speaking. We must keep this in perspective.[2]

¹³By rebellious speech an evil person is trapped,
but a righteous person escapes from trouble.

¹⁴A person will be satisfied with good
by the fruit of his mouth,
and the work of a person’s hands will reward him.
Proverbs 12:13-14 CSB

Pineapple Fried Rice -- Not Burned!

Update on the Rice Situation

I started cooking rice right before I started recording the podcast with Sam and totally forgot! For those who are curious, once I went back and cooked rice while I wasn't distracted, this is how it turned out.

References

1. Melissa Malamut. "Can You Think Yourself Sick?". Boston Magazine. April 4, 2013
2. Philia Ministries -T he King is Coming. Christians & The Law of Attraction Deception". YouTube. February 20, 2017
3. Ree Hughes. Most Likely To Be a Revolutionary". PSALMS to God. February 18, 2019
4. Malala. Malala Fund; visited March 3, 2020

Most Likely to Have Your Back

Can you imagine giving up everything you know to stand by someone who's not a blood relative? Actually can you imagine doing the same for a blood relative? Would you give up your career? Friends? Way of living? Basically, how far would you go to have someone's back?

Season 1 Episode 19

¹Don’t rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, ²older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters with all purity. ³Support widows who are genuinely in need. ⁴But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them learn to practice godliness toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God. ⁵The widow who is truly in need and left all alone has put her hope in God and continues night and day in her petitions and prayers; ⁶however, she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. ⁷Command this also, so that they will be above reproach. ⁸But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:1-8 CSB

00:01:52	Hey guys! Welcome back to the PSALMS to God podcast. So today I want to talk about the person that is Most Likely to Have Your Back. This is the “ride or die” loyal friend that you know you can count on. Whatever is happening, they've got your back. They're going to help you get through it, and you know, I think that this is the person we all desire to have in our life. We may not be so good at being this person, but you can bet everybody wants this person in their life.
00:02:27	And I want to point out up front that when I say they having your back, I don't mean following you up. So there are... I'ma use an extreme. OK, let's say I got locked up and I was in jail. There are one or two reasons why I could be there—OK, technically they're three, but we’re not going to get into the third one because I feel like that's a whole podcast on its own, and that's you know false accusations and the system. And y’all already know, we be here all day talking about this, so we're going to ignore that one for the sake of this podcast and for the sake of time—but either I actually committed a crime or there's some law that is unjust and I've inadvertently broken it or I protested it. Think like the Civil Rights Movement: like, Rosa Parks getting arrested for sitting on the bus or a black person getting arrested for simply being present in a white only space. So, if I've been arrested because I legitimately broke a law, like I've done something that I should not have done, when I say this person has my back, sure they may come bail me out or they may come visit me in the prison and not bailed me out, but they're going to come to me, they're going to come find me, and they're also going to have the conversation with me about what happened that put me in that position. Like “Why did you commit this crime, you know better. What are you doing? What's going on? Why didn't you reach out to me to help you before you went and robbed the bank?”[1] You know, things like this. OK, but on the flip side, if I'm in jail because I was protesting some unjust law or something went down, I'm talking about the person that's in the cell with you. Like they went to the march with you. They got spat on with you. The whole nine yards. That's what I really mean when I say they have your back. Not somebody that's just like “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, What my girl said.” I don't mean that person is just hyping you up and following along with foolishness, OK.
00:04:40	But like I said, we all desire this person in our life. Now, some of us might not be quite ready to handle the truth, so we might not necessarily want somebody who's real enough to check us when we're wrong, but we want somebody that we can count on, somebody that's reliable. And like I said is a little hard to actually be that reliable person, but the truth is if I'm expecting you to be that person for me, I need to be that person for you. Right? And for a while, there has been an issue that was I guess weighing on my heart that I've been thinking about over the years, for over a year, and trying to figure out what's going to happen in the future, and it deals with this issue of loyalty and having someone's back.
00:05:40	A couple of days ago the group chat that I'm with in the young adult group at my church, someone posed a question in reference to the rich man in the Bible that was told to sell all of his belongings and follow Jesus.[2] And we got into a discussion about what that looks like, whether we would be able to do that—like I said what it would look like in today's society and all of these things, and while the conversation kind of went in a slightly different direction than what we're going to talk about today, as I was talking in this conversation a lot of these ideas also started to formulate in my head because I realize this situation that I've been thinking about also falls into that category, in a way, of would I sell all of my belongings to have somebody's back per sé (and you'll understand why I'm saying that as we get into the topic).
00:06:45	So the person that we’re talking about today is none other than Ruth. I know y'all wasn't ready for that because when we talk about Ruth, we always talk about Boaz. Ruth and Boaz. The poster child of you know like happy couples and singles’ ministries because every time I've heard a singles’ ministry, they're telling us to wait on our Boaz and all of this stuff. And it gets into this whole like romance or the romantic idea of Ruth and Boaz, but that's not what we're going to talk about today. Boaz isn't even important in the aspect of Ruth’s story that we're going to talk about right now.
00:07:26	So Ruth is an important person in the Bible. How do I know this? I know this because Ruth is one of two women in the Bible that have an entire book named after them,[3] and the entire story is about them. It's not many women in the Bible that can say that. So we know they’re important because people took the time to talk about them, and I mean that was a big deal! On top of that, Ruth is one of four women named in the lineage of Jesus. The lineages in the Bible are almost solely patriarchal. It's all about the men, you know, this person begat that person begat that person, and it’s all men all the way down. They don't typically take time to talk about the women in the lineage, and so the fact that Ruth is called out and mentioned in that lineage also speaks about her importance and her significance. And I'm saying that in the terminology that significance and importance that there are things that we are meant to learn from Ruth; there is something about her story that is important and relevant to us today.
00:08:44	I found the most relevant part of her story particularly for the conversation we're about to have, at the very beginning of Ruth. So in the beginning of Ruth, we find out about this family that is fleeing Israel, specifically Judah, I think. They're fleeing this area because there's a famine, and they're trying to go to a place that has more food, more opportunities—Y’all know the deal. We still have this issue in modern-day: people fleeing their countries for better opportunities in other countries; that's basically what happened. So this family goes to Moab in search of safety, stability, security, etc. It's a man, his wife, and their two sons. While they're in Moab, the man dies and the two sons take wives that are Moabites. One of these women is Ruth, and eventually both of these men die, as well. But Ruth and the other woman do not have children.
00:09:51	Now if Naomi, who was the woman—the mother—if she had had another son, then there could have been a levirate marriage and one of the two women could have married the other son and tried to have children, which would have continued the lineage, yada yada yada. But there was no other son. So at this point, Naomi can't really do anything for these two women and there's nothing left for them. So Naomi tells them to go back to their respective families and she's planning to go back to Israel. One of the women listens and goes back to her family, but Ruth decide that she's going to stay with her mother-in-law and she makes the decision to go to a foreign land with a foreign people, convert to a foreign religion, because, you know, she was a Moabite, she was pagan, and now she is telling Naomi that Naomi's God will be her God and where she goes she will go.[4]
00:11:00	Like we talkin’ about like she had her mother-in-law's back. She was ride or die, ready to give up everything, sell everything and go. Now, we don't really get the details of this family dynamic, all right. I'm not really sure how close Ruth was with her mother-in-law. Like it says that 10 years passed before you know all of this stuff I guess kind of came out, but it doesn't exactly specify how long Ruth was married to her husband. Like how long did she know Naomi? How... We don't know, like had she already converted to following and worshipping God or was this a spur-of-the-moment thing that happened as she was deciding to follow Naomi back to Israel? We don't really know all of the details, but we do understand that Ruth felt an obligation to take care of this woman.
00:12:04	Naomi was also a widow, but Naomi was not of marriageable age.[5] Like it wasn't that she should go off and get married and find another husband and start having more children. She was not going to be able to do that, and she wasn't going to be able to have anybody that would take care of her. And like women couldn't have jobs and things back then. So, what was going to happen to Naomi when she left? And this is probably what Ruth was saying, “Who's going to look after you? Who's going to take care of you? Who's going to pay your bills? Who is going to protect you and provide for you and make sure that, you know, everything is OK?”
00:12:45	Now, Ruth on the other hand, she was younger, which is why Ruth ends up being the one who's gleaning the field and getting food for them. But she was also of marriageable age, which is why she was able to marry Boaz, and then she could secure finance and the well-being of both her and her mother-in-law, and that's obviously, you know the story, that's how things play out. But Ruth had enough sense to know that she… Even though like legally she didn't have an obligation to this woman, morally, she felt like she did have some sort of obligation to her.
00:13:28	So let me switch gears a little bit to kind of pull in how I think this relates today and how this relates to me specifically, and what I've been I guess asking myself for the past year. Last year in May, life got really crazy. So at the beginning of May, one of my uncles died. Two weeks later another uncle died. And about a week later my great aunt died. Then at the end of the summer, in August one of my high school classmates was given like a two-week prognosis to live, maybe it was 3 weeks... It was weeks, OK. It was a very short amount of time. And so basically over the course of you know 4/5 months, like 4 people that I knew died. And I realized a lot of things over the course of those couple of months.
00:14:44	The first thing I realized is that I come from a very old family, and I don't mean old like old money, ‘cause we ain't got no money. I mean old like there are extreme age gaps between generations. So my parents are... I mean my dad is almost 70; he ain't there yet, but he's getting really close and my dad is the baby in his family. OK, so I'm giving you an idea of the age of my aunts and uncles, and so when all of these people in my family died back to back like this, I realize that these people are aging and I'm not there. Now, one of the reasons that I live in South Florida and not in California is because I did have enough sense to know that I didn't want to live that far away from my family. I can fly to my family in about an hour. I can drive to my family in about 11 hours. And I wanted to be in the position where if something were to happen I could get to my family with fairly reasonable time. OK? And you know California is it out. But for the field that I work in California is like primetime. That's where all the computer science jobs are California, Seattle, even some in Texas and in Arizona. You know, maybe New York, but all of these places that are tremendously further away from home than I am now.
00:16:35	There really aren't any jobs in my field at home. And the ones that are, are for less-experienced— I don't really know how to explain it but they're definitely not going to pay what it's worth, I guess. So it's basically like, I have a PhD in computer science, the jobs that I could find at home are the jobs you could probably get without having a degree at all, or all you need is a bachelor's, and they're not going to pay you for the fact that you have a PhD, so I might as well not have gone and gotten it type of a situation—which is one of the reasons why I'm not home. But as all of this was happening I was like oh my goodness like, “What... What would I do if I needed to be there for my parents?” Like would I quit my job here? Would I sell everything I have down here and go back home?
00:17:38	And it's an interesting thing for me to think about when I look at Ruth. Ruth went to a foreign land. The Israelites were not the most friendly when it came to welcoming foreigners. Now, yeah ok, we know they used to intermingle with people even though they wasn't supposed to, and they got into a whole lot of things. The Israelite men loved them some non-Israelite women. Like it was a thing, OK. But just because you are allowing somebody to participate in your society or marry into your society, does not mean these biases that you've been taught just disappear.
00:18:22	We see this in the New Testament.[6] Peter was, you know, adamant.[7] There were a lot of people were like “Nah, we're not really here for the Gentiles, like we don't talk to Gentiles.” When Jesus went and talked to the Samaritan woman, people were looking like “What are you doing? You're not supposed to talk to her. Like she's not, she's not one of us.”
00:18:40	And the same thing we can see that in today's society. How many white women have married black men in have said mildly racist things about their black daughter's hair? And you know what it doesn't even have to be a white woman. I remember distinctly, I was in high school, I think—middle school? Probably middle school—and I went to a pool with my aunt and my uncle. My aunt by marriage, my uncle by blood; my aunt is Vietnamese. We went to a pool, so obviously my hair got wet. And for those of y’all who know me, this is when my hair was relaxed, OK. This is not all natural Shiree, so my hair wasn't even in full affect, y’all. This is baby curls at this point, and when she saw my hair, the first thing out of her mouth was “Oh I'm glad that [insert her daughter's name]’s hair didn't come out like that, or isn't like that.” And I don't think she meant harm when she said it, but like this is what I mean by you can marry into people and you can... She doesn't actively hate black people, but the things that you've been taught, the things, the systematic, you know, ideas, you know, beauty standards, what you expect, cultural norms, they are still programmed in your mind, and so like subconsciously what you're thinking is that you don't… You're glad your daughter is not really black, like she only kind of black. Like that's basically what you just said to me.
00:20:36	I imagine that's the same kind of thing Ruth stepped into. For anybody listening that’s a minority, you know what it's like to be the only, or you know the oddball in the space of the majority— particularly if it's a hostile environment, where you're seen as an inferior person, whether it's because you're a woman, because you're black, because you're Asian because, you know, whatever, and that's not the best feeling. So the fact that Ruth was willing to go through that says a lot, a lot about her commitment to Naomi. I have to ask myself, like you know, Ruth at most knew Naomi for like 10 years. My momma birthed me. My dad, you know that's been my dad forever. Like we talking about almost 31 years I've known these people! It should not be hard for me to leave where I am now and go where my parents are at the drop of a hat because they need me, because that is my responsibility.
00:21:45	And so, I mean it's just something that... I'm not going to lie that's not what I want to do. And I have my fingers crossed... Y'all my grandmother was 92 when she passed away. She was still in her full, right mind. She was living at home by herself, cooking, cleaning, doing her own thing. I hope both of my parents are like that. I wish them great longevity, and great health into very very old ages, but I also realize that I have to start thinking about the fact that there may be a time where I do have to go home to help out. Even if it's not for my parents but for other members of the family, ‘cause I have a large family, and this is what we're supposed to do, is take care of each other.
00:22:39	Photocredit: ShutterStock/Monkey Business Images So generally speaking I don't go home that often. The last time I went home was in August. Like I said earlier in the podcast one of my friends from high school actually had cancer and she passed away in the fall—and actually I think it might have been September when I went home. Y'all don't quote me on dates, OK, it was in the fall. And when I found out that she had been given like a final date, I was upset because she was a really nice person. I thought she was cool, we got along, excetera excetera, but I was also concerned for a mutual friend that we had. So the other friend was way closer to her than I was, but I was closer to the other friend than I was to her. I don't know if that makes any sense, but basically I was concerned for how this other friend was going to take the death of this friend. And that friend was in her last trimester of pregnancy, and so she was, you know, she was dealing with a lot of things herself. She could not travel, and like I said about this whole West Coast situation she lives on the West Coast and she was not able to come to her friend. I know she would have given anything to be there but she could not. And I happened to be in the middle of planning to go home anyway so I was like okay I'm going to go, and I'm going to go see her. And while I was doing this, you know obviously this was a short-term visit, like I'm just going, you know, to tell her that I'm thinking about her to give her a hug for the friend that can't come, and to just be there. But when I was there, I learned so many things that I did not know. Like for instance, the fact that her father who actually worked with my father, he had retired, her mother had retired. They quit their jobs to travel to take care of her, because you know she was going to different hospitals and her husband works, and just all these things. Like the things that they gave up to take care of her.
00:25:08	And I started thinking about all of the ways that we as people try to help each other, or try to take care of our family members. Another instance of this is when the recession hit in the early 2000s, they found that black families were hit harder than other families, but it wasn't just systematic racism that played into this. There was also the fact that black families were more likely to try to help family members. If there are two brothers, one brother gets laid off, one brother still has a job. The brother that still had a job was trying to support the brother that didn't have a job. So instead of one home struggling, both homes were struggling, because they were trying to redistribute the money to keep both people afloat. So both people were taking a hit.
00:25:59	And to be honest, that’s how it's supposed to be. Like, sometimes it feels like we should just cut off the dead weight, and pull ourselves up. And some people will tell you that. But one of the things that I've really been understanding for myself and reminding myself is that I am not here to be Dr. Shiree Hughes, the computer scientist with the coolest job, getting the mega paycheck. Like if I get to do that that's great, but God put me here for some totally different responsibility, and He has asked me to have his children's back. And he gave me one particular group of His children, and that is a family that I am supposed to be there for. No matter the situation, I am supposed to be there for my parents. I am supposed to be there for my cousins or whatever the case may be. Whatever family member. Like I am the first line of defense being there, like I said, for my parents.
00:27:08	And that transcends some of the more selfish ideas that I may have. So I, you know, like I said it's hard, ‘cause you're like “I want to go out and see the world. I want to travel. I don't want to be cooped up in this small town where everybody is related to me, and you know, they have very, very few vegetarian options for food.” But the fact is, if the time came, would I sell everything and go home to be that rock for my parents? And I think that if Ruth can go into a foreign country that would have been hostile to her, change religions, and you know struggle for a while—’cause she didn't know what was going to happen when they got there. If she can do that, then I can move cities. Like it's not that big of a deal. It really isn't. Like I can take a job that is quote-unquote below my paygrade, and make less money, and deal with it. Like… Sometimes we have to swallow our pride. And it's a lot harder to do than it is to say, but it's something I've been thinking about and it's something that I think we should all think about in our lives.
00:28:33	Where is God calling you to be? Who is he calling you to be there for? And if you had to fly across the world to be there for that person, would you drop everything and go

Footnotes and References

1. So for some reason as I was talking Set it Off popped into my mind and that’s why I said this
2. Matthew 19:21
3. Esther is the other
4. Ruth 1:16-17
5. Context! I meant for the time period and in the eyes of society. Even today the perceived value of women decreases as we age. However, as a never-been-married 30 year old, you know I don’t subscribe to the idea that someone is “too old” to be married.
6. This being the bias against non-Israelites
7. Reference to Acts 10, where God has to explain to Peter that he should receive Gentiles

Fruit of the Spirit: Peace featuring Sarah

Peace is hard to come by in a world of violence, but we're all seeking it anyway. Sarah and I talk about what we've learned about peace through the ups, downs, and zig-zags of life.

Season 1 Episode 15

The result of righteousness will be peace;
the effect of righteousness will be quiet confidence forever.Isaiah 32:17 CSB

Time
00:01:03	Ree:	Hey guys. Welcome back to the PSALMS to God podcast. So, today we're back to the fruit of the spirit and we're talking about peace. So I asked my friend, Sarah, to come on and talk to me. We met in college, and we're in the same sorority—she's my sorority sister. I feel like Sarah's probably been around me for like the craziest part of my life, and we've never actually really talked about peace, so I thought it would be a great conversation. So hey Sarah!
00:01:00	Sarah:	Hi. So yeah, when you asked what peace was, I was like I have no idea.
00:01:42	R+S:	😂
00:01:45	S:	Especially when it feels like in my life right now I have no idea what peace is. But then when I sat down and like really thought about it, I thought of peace as more of a feeling and a mental state of mind. You know what I mean?
00:02:02	R:	Yeah.[1] I realized like when I got getting ready to do this episode, and I was like okay the next episode is going to be on peace. I realized like I don't think I've ever had a conversation with anybody about peace. I don't think I've ever just sat down and been like "what is peace?"
00:02:19	S:	Yeah. So, I don't know; I guess I just associate it with a feeling. Because everything can be wrong or going wrong in your life, whether it's like financially, or if you're feeling overwhelmed at school, or if you're in like a terrible relationship, but a moment can make you feel at peace—whether it's like a hug or like a great conversation or like being with family or going on a vacation. I don't know. Those are things I associate with peace because they just makes me feel like I have some like calmness and I'm relaxed. and I'm maybe not thinking of those things that stress me out.
00:03:05	R:	Yeah I definitely think getting rid of stressors. Hugs—I love hugs. I don't know, there's something about a hug from like a friend or like a family member or somebody that you just know that like cares about you can like suddenly make things go away. All of a sudden it doesn't matter that you just like flunked a test or that you made a fool of yourself in your front of your boss, or whatever. It's just like it's OK.
00:03:36	S:	Right. I agree. It's like 10 seconds—well, it depends on the person how long the hug is 'cause like some people you only want a half hug and other people you want the full hug 😂—but I'll say it's like 10 seconds of like a moment where you don't have to think about what's going wrong.
00:03:56	R:	Yes. Like a refocusing of your mind.
00:03:59	S:	Right.
00:04:01	R:	Yeah, I think it's been interesting because so far I've done love, I've done joy, and even coming into peace it seems like it's a conscious choice—like it's a feeling. Like all of these things are like feeling versus choice questions, but the more I dug into peace, it's kind of like re-situating your mind so that you're not focusing on like the negative, but like, you said, forgetting about whatever's happening. And that's kind of like a choice that you have to make to seek peace, right?[2]
00:04:41	S:	Right. Then I realized like peace and it's correlation with mental health.
00:04:49	R:	Yes!
00:04:50	S:	And that peace, even though we want it to just kind of like fall out of the sky, it takes a lot more work than you think.
00:05:01	R:	Definitely. I...I don't know. Like, there are times when, you know, people like "Oh, you just should like make that choice, and you should just decide to think positive, positively, or forget about it." And you know I'm awkward. You know I'm super awkward and I do things all the time and even I'm like "Shiree, don't think about it," and other people are probably not thinking about it, it just like replays over and over in my head. And it could just be like little things, like... I don't know like I walked into a wall in front of people.
00:05:44	S:	😂[3]
00:05:43	R:	And I'm like so bothered because I'm like "oh my gosh, these people think I'm an idiot!" And like I do things like that at work all the time, and I'm just like super wound up about like how the people around me are viewing whatever it is I've done. But I feel like it's my responsibility to like consciously stop thinking of it. But it's so hard
00:06:06	S:	Right, and what's crazy is like those little things like maybe in the moment, someone would be like "Oh my gosh, really?" and like maybe laugh a little bit. But like five seconds after that, theyforgot about it. We beat ourselves up about things—like how we are portrayed by others—when like half the time, they're thinking about how they're being portrayed by others, you know like they're not even worried about whatever we did, said, or even thinking about it. They're thinking about what stresses them out.
00:06:42	R:	Exactly! And it's...I don't know. It's so bizarre. Even as I get older and realize that like I still do it, I have to remind myself like they're not even paying you any attention.
00:06:54	S:	Right.
00:06:55	R:	I don't know. It was interesting. So I looked up the word "peace" and I started digging into like what it means. And I looked up the word in different languages and things like that. And I found out like some pretty cool things. So first I looked at the regular definition of "peace" in the dictionary,[4] and it talks about peace in the sense of like the absence of conflict, and I think once I read it, I was like "Oh yeah." Like...like a peace treaty or something; like that where we're not at war so there's peace, so to speak.
00:07:32	S:	Right.
00:07:33	R:	And like that kind of went down the path of like things about safety and security; which, I mean, in our society I feel like even though we may not be at war per sé, it's still hard to kind of feel peace, because we have so much going on. Like they just had the shooting in New Zealand.[5] Like it's hard to feel at peace when you know crazy people are out here doing heinous things. You know, and we have all of the things with like police brutality, and these things of course, take away from our sense of peace from a sense of like safety.
00:08:11	S:	Yeah.
00:08:13	R:	But as I kept digging, I looked up the Hebrew and the Greek words that are used like Biblically to mean peace. The Greek word—I don't know how to pronounce this so I'm probably butchering it, but it looks like something like "εἰρήνη" or something like that. And it seems to match like the English version of peace.[6] But when I got to the Hebrew version, there are like a couple of different versions of the word, but it's basically "shalom"[7][8][9][10] and on top of like what we already kind of discussed and what we generally think of peace meaning, it also means like completeness.
00:08:54	S:	Yeah.
00:08:56	S:	And that kind of blew my mind, because I never really thought of peace meeting like completeness. But then as I thought about it, I was like "oh yeah every time I'm not at peace with a situation or with a person, it's because there's something that's unresolved, or there's something that's lacking, or I want something and it's not there."
00:09:18	S:	Right. And I've witnessed people of Jewish faith like use that word, and say it to one another, as like a... I don't know. Like when they're leaving someone or when they're greeting someone. They say "shalom" and like I never thought that it was associated with peace, but as you said a sense of wholeness and that's like so beautiful. Like I don't know! I don't think I've ever said anything that's that deep to someone, and you know, it could be helpful in a way; if you really think to what it means.
00:10:02	R:	Right. Yeah they do, and I think they say something like... I think, well this is the English version, I think they say "peace be with you."[11] I think it's something like that, when they like greet people. And yeah that is really beautiful. Like we should start saying that in English.
00:10:19	R+S:	😂
00:10:22	S:	All the time. Ok, that's a little much but we can say "peace be with you" on the—I know like in Catholicism, in the middle of church, the priest always says, "Peace be with you," and you always say back "And always with you." So there's like a Christian link to that as well. So I guess we do that as Christians. We're not giving ourselves enough credit, here.
00:10:47	R:	😂. But yeah, it's like, I think it's really profound. And when I was listening to this video on like what this word means and they were talking about this like completeness,[12] I don't know. It just kind of made me re-evaluate my life, and try to like go back and think about when I felt like the most at peace. And I was shocked how much it mirrors like the idea of completeness, because I feel like—believe it or not—I feel like I was at the most peace when I was at college.
00:11:25	S:	I guess I can agree with that. But I think it's just you're surrounded by like so much like love and friendship, like constantly, and like so much support.
00:11:39	R:	Yeah, I felt like... In college, I felt like on the one hand like I was never really afraid to fail per sé—because I mean, obviously, I was afraid to like flunk out of school 'cause my parents would have killed me—but I felt like, I don't know, you feel like nothing bad is going to happen to you. And like I always... Like you guys were always there. I mean we all live in the same like area. There's always somebody, like when we would go to the dining hall, like there's always somebody to sit with. Like I was never really anxious about having people around me to like be comforting or anything. And even when I fail, like if I failed a test, chances are somebody else has failed a test that can be like I failed that test too. And so, it's just like everything kind of fits in. You feel like whole. And it wasn't until like maybe near the end of my senior year, where you start trying to figure out what you're going to do with your life, and you're just kind of like blindly walking, that suddenly I felt like peace just kind of went out the window.
00:12:50	S:	Yeah. I feel like peace went out the window when you have to take that stuff like into adulthood. With that comes more responsibility, and you find yourself more busy, or you have to relocate and those friends that were like so close like just a walkaway are now gone. And I don't know. I guess just like more responsibility is what makes you feel like your peace is gone.
00:13:18	R:	Yeah. I definitely... Like I'm always scared I'm going to forget to pay a bill or something and they're going to—
00:13:28	S:	😂They're going to turn your lights off?
00:13:30	R:	Yeah! No, I actually almost had this happen. So it took me awhile to figure out how to get my utility bill to be auto-drafted, and it just due at some like random date in the middle of the month. It's not due on the first or anything that's memorable. And so over the summer like I went home for a while, and I didn't check the mail before I left, so I was gone for like 2 weeks. I guess the bill came at that point, and I like forgot to pay it, and so I was like maybe like 2 weeks late paying my utility bill. And I got like the notice that if I didn't pay it by like a certain date they were going to cut my water off, and I was just like "oh my gosh! I'm failing. I'm so failing at this."
00:14:14	R+S:	😂
00:14:16	S:	That is not a failure at all. Like, and then I'm like I don't even have that much responsibility. Like there are some people our age that have children and whole families. I can't even manage my life like the way it is and don't have any of that.
00:14:38	R:	No. I have so much more of a respect for my parents now that I'm like, I don't know pseudo an adult. When I think about like when I was a kid... And like I remember when we were in school like my parents would always be like "Call me before you go somewhere. Call me when you get back." And you know, like if we went out somewhere, and we stayed out until like 2 or 3 in the morning,[13] you don't really want to call them at 3 in the morning. You're like "It's fine. I'll just call them whenever I get there," and they would be like so mad at me, because they didn't have peace of mind I was back in my dorm safe. And I did not get that in school. I was like just it cool, it's college, like I'm fine. But now that I'm an adult, I'm just like oh my goodness there so many crazy things happening in the world! How do people with kids deal with like just sending their kids to school?
00:15:38	S:	Right, even just sending them to school is like... And remembering like themselves, and like taking time for themselves whether they are like a mom or a dad. Like how important is the feeling of peace to like be maintained when you remember yourself? But you're a functioning human, too. Yes it's important for your kids to get everything they need, but how do you remember to take time out to relax your mind and do things that you like to do even. I don't know how they do it.
00:16:19	R:	I don't either. I cannot imagine. Like I get yeah... Keeping peace for like multiple people. Like if you have multiple kids, keeping the peace between the kids. Yeah that's mind-blowing.
00:16:39	S:	So I was reflecting on peace in the aspect, too, of trying to take peace away from yourself and give it to others. A lot of times I feel like we sacrifice our own peace so that others can have peace.
00:17:00	R:	Yeah I feel like I did that a lot more when I was younger.
00:17:05	S:	Really?
00:17:06	R:	Yeah. I...OK so I would say I went through this phase where I wanted to avoid conflict, because I had a really short temper in like middle school and high school, and then I have mellowed out by the time I got to college. At that point I think because I was trying not to have such a short temper, like I wanted other people to be OK. So if I thought that I said something that offended them, or whatever, I was like really quick to like apologize and try to like soothe it out and like make sure they were okay. I feel like that phase went on for while, and then I don't know. Somebody just made me mad, and I was like "You know what? No. You just gon' have to be mad!" 😂 And then... And I think I king of snapped me out of it a little bit, but sometimes I still find myself, you know, not saying necessarily what I want to say because I'm afraid that it's going to like rock the boat with the other person.
00:18:07	S:	Yeah. It's still important to say what you feel, but I understand that like sometimes you have to have a filter.
00:18:16	R:	Yeah. Filters are important, and not just on Instagram.
00:18:19	R+S:	😂
00:18:22	S:	Not just on your selfies.
00:18:25	R:	Yeah. 😂
00:18:27	S:	But sometimes I feel like we may filter ourselves too much. Sometimes I don't think I stand up for myself the way I should, and maybe I would be more at peace if I could really say how I felt in a moment. You know?
00:18:40	R:	Yeah. Yeah, I think... Have you ever had like the conversation replays? Where, like just that. Where it's like in the moment you didn't say something, but then you replay that conversation over and over about what you should have said or what you wish you had said.
00:19:01	S:	Yup. All the time.
00:19:27	R:	I feel like that's where a lot of my like grudges come in. And most of the time it's with people that I felt like I didn't have a right to say anything with. So like professors in school or like when I was a kid like adults that you're supposed to respect your elders and things like that, so would hold my tongue. And then like even now, that I should have told them this, this, and this. Yeah, I think you're on to something there.
00:19:37	S:	Or sometimes your emotions are just so heated in the moment. You're either like so sad or so angry that like you're not thinking with a level head, but when you step out of it, you have that level-head, and you can really like decipher how you really felt about the
00:19:58	R:	Oh yeah. Yeah. Hindsight is 20/20. Every time. I think... I said when I felt the most at peace. Did you? I know you said you could see why I said college, was that your answer, too or did you have a different answer?
00:20:19	S:	I never really thought that I felt the most at peace at college. I don't know. You mean like a moment in time?
00:20:30	R:	Yeah. I mean it could be just like a second.
00:20:34	S:	Right. Like I just feel like I have a whole bunch of little moments. Like I don't feel like there's one long time, were I would say, unless I have the most little moments during a little time. I don't know. But, I feel like I have little moments where I reflect and I'm just like able to let things go.
00:20:58	R:	That's good though. I feel like... I feel like small moments here and there is probably better than one like extended moment and then you never have it again. And I mean, I still have moments of peace now; I just feel like in college it was probably like an overall feeling of peace with you know like random bouts of anxiety, whereas now it's more like more anxiety with smaller portions of peace.
00:21:31	S:	Yeah because now we have more weight. Like more weight on our shoulders, like more things to think about or we find those problems to be more important now. They're different. Whereas before, it was like... I don't know, what did we worry about in college? You of course worry about your grades, but sometimes I don't even think I put that as a priority, 'cause like I'm terrible. 😂 So maybe I was worried about boys and ugh, I don't know.
00:22:06	R:	Yeah I mean I feel like... I feel like that one doesn't really go away until you're like married.
00:22:13	S:	😂
00:22:15	R:	Still sometimes I'm just like, "Oh. Yeah, I'm still not at peace because of a guy or something."
00:22:21	S:	😂I don't think men bring peace at all. That's terrible.
00:22:29	R:	😂 I'm sure that if Devin was with us, he would say that women don't bring peace, either.[14]
00:22:34	S:	Yes. If Devin were here—and hopefully he will listen—he would be very offended by our comments.
00:22:41	R:	😂I mean in that same vein, I feel like friendship can bring peace. 'Cause I definitely... Like with you guys, like I'll text you guys and be like "Yo, I'm freaking out." And like I feel like when I don't have that moment of clarity, like other people can have it. Like you guys will text me back and be like "That stupid. It's fine. Like stop worrying about that."
00:23:04	S:	Right. Yup. aAnd even when it's not stupid, or it is serious, just having someone there to listen and say everything's going to be OK. Things might suck right now, but everything always works out. Sometimes that's just what you need to hear, because you're just all up and upset.
00:23:29	S:	Yeah I think that support is crucial. Having someone to lean on, knowing that somebody cares—I think even more so than knowing that it's going to be OK. Like for instance, like when somebody dies. I mean people say "Oh, it's going to be okay," and you know that the person is not coming back—like this is an reversible like change in your life, but knowing that there are other people that care about you is what like soothes that pain or that issue. I feel like that's what's the most peaceful. But if we were like trying to cultivate peace, like obviously from a... I don't know, From a literal standpoint, where peace is about like safety and things like that, you know we try not to put ourselves in harm's way. And we try not to put ourselves in situations that are specifically unsafe, or you know that you're not just going to run into an unsafe environment or something like that if you can help it. But even if you are, because there are lots of people who can't help it, you know. People who live in, you know, certain neighborhoods maybe there's like a lot of gang violence or something. Like you can't necessarily just turn that on or off. How would you go about seeking peace? Like those little moments of peace, just like for yourself in like stressful environments.
00:25:10	S:	Peace is so relative to the person and the place. Like for someone that's for say in the military, a terrible environment, how do they find peace? And I'm not really sure, because I've never been in that situation. But we've stressed so much the value of like relationships, and people and family. And so I think what would be the most important to them, or anyone that's in a stressful environment, would be just that. You know what I mean—friends, family, and ways to seek out them and speak with them and comfort them, and you know.
00:26:04	R:	Definitely. I, so actually when I was in grad school, I had like serious anxiety for a while. I went through like I don't know I went through this series of months that was just horrible. So first I got bit by a spider, which I'm allergic to spiders, and I was allergic to the medicine they gave me for the spider bite.[15] I like kept throwing up, and so I couldn't eat for like a week. And then as soon as I got over all of that, I found out that I had like a month to write this like massive paper and try to move on to the next phase in my program. And so, I didn't sleep for the entire month. Ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but what I really mean is like I was going to sleep at like 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning, and then getting back up at like 7. And when I got through with that I was just like super wound up. I was... Like my heart rate was excessive and when I went to the doctor for something else they were like you have like anxiety. And so they referred me to talk to like the campus mental health person, because FYI for those of you are in school, your school probably has some sort of counseling program for mental health, and you probably get free visits at least like a couple of free visits a year. And that's how it is. At least that's how it is at Clemson. And so I went and talked to them, and they had me go through these classes on anxiety and like creating peace in a moment of anxiety. I'm not really certain this would work on like a battlefield, 'cause like I said I've never been on a battlefield. But like, you know, they would have you like picture yourself somewhere that gives you comfort. So like for instance, like with the military, your family may not be within arm's reach. Like you can't necessarily get a hug from your family, and depending on the situation and how intense the fighting is, you may not be able to call them at that exact moment. And so you know, they were basically suggesting you know that you would like picture being with them, if that's where your peace comes from or like you could picture yourself on the beach. And then you focus in on what the beach would sound like, what the smell of the air smells like, and things like that. And just kind of like redirecting your senses to like focus in on something else that takes your mind off of whatever's giving you that anxiety. It actually worked pretty well. Like, you know, when I would get you super stressed out about school, I think that was really helpful. As I got out of school, you know, I kind of stopped. I mean sometimes I still imagine myself other places, but I also would try like praying. And you know sometimes that can help, because even though you don't necessarily have your friend right there or your family member right there, you have like God at arms length. Which is a definite way of you know having that connection to somebody when you need it, and I guess that's on like a more immediate situation.[16] But I also tried to think of things that could help with peace like overall. You know, like some people like say like flowers. So like putting flowers at your desk at work to look at so that you don't get stressed out at work. Or I don't know. Like I'm one of those people, I have to add color to everything. Like if there's no color, I would just feel like I'm in a hospital!
00:30:14	S:	Sheesh! My job!
00:30:17	R+S:	😂
00:30:21	R:	No that there's anything wrong with working at a hospital. I just don't want to be like a patient in the hospital—I want to be healthy. I don't know
00:30:31	S:	We talked about the difference of our jobs today. I was like, "My job is never... I never feel at peace at my job." And you were like "Sometimes I feel at peace at my job." And I'm like, "Aw that's so different." 😂
00:30:45	R:	Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's because your job is... I can't imagine doing what you do, just off the bat. Like I feel like I would be so nervous. But it's also like when I mess up on my job, it's just... It's almost like job security, because I'm supposed to develop code but I'm also supposed to fix code. So if I develop code that's broken, then I just have to fix the code that I broke—that sounds so bad; I don't do that.[17] But it's not really that big of a deal if I mess up at work, which I think is why I typically have a lower stress level at the job that I have now. And then again, it's the people. The people I work with are really cool. They're pretty helpful. They're pretty laid-back which aids in that environment. But I feel like, you know, when you're at the hospital and you're trying to treat patients it's like there's a higher level of like severity to it and I of like seriousness. And of course, I'm pretty sure you get crazy patients.
00:31:59	S:	Yeah. When&mdahs;well, I'm a nurse by the way; I guess we never said that, we just assumed everyone knew what I did.[18] But let's step back know. You said like the people you are around. That like means so much. The support at the workplace to remind you to like remember yourself and remember your peace, even though we don't say that. But remind you to like go have a snack, like take a walk, like take a breather. Or offer their help, and then like actually help you—makes you have like a moment of peace, you know what I mean. And helps you to make it through the shift, so that you're at peace when it's over and are clocking out. 😂
00:32:55	R:	Yeah... Yeah. That's definitely part of. OK, so when I first started working at my job, they gave me this device to work on, and I type this command in the wrong window. So I had like multiple windows up on my computer, and one of the windows went to the device and one of the windows went to like my computer. And I basically erased everything on the device, like the entire file system of the device by accident.[19] And I felt like such an idiot, and I had only been working there for a couple of days, so I didn't know how to like fix it or like if I had irrevocably like broken the device. And I had to go up to like my boss and say like, "I broke this, how do I fix it? Is it broken for good? What do I do?" I was so embarrassed, 'cause it just seems like such like a boneheaded thing to do. But when I told my boss, he just laughed and he was like, "I've done that before." And it just made it so much more peaceful, because the moment that all that tension was broken, it was like "Oh OK, it's not a big deal!" and that's really important too.
00:34:20	S:	Yeah. I feel like our common denominator is people, in like what helps us keep like our equilibrium and like our peaceful state of Mind, is other people.
00:34:33	R:	Yeah, in some senses. And that being said, I think that kind of gives us a responsibility to help other people keep their peace. Like if I'm helping you keep your peace, and you're helping me keep my peace, then we should both have peace.
00:34:58	S:	I don't think we always think about that, 'cause we're so wrapped up in our own lives and our own things. But that kind of touches on what I said earlier like taking away maybe your temporary moment to give to someone else, in order to make them feel well, and help them get to where they want to be.
00:35:27	R:	Yeah definitely. 'Cause I feel like the whole breakdown of peace is when like you said when we forget to do that, because it's when I choose to ignore your need for peace, and do something crazy. And so, now I'm not at peace, you're not at peace, and we're both like doing crazy things. Whereas if we both step back and I say, "look OK, what can I do to help her be at peace?" and if you're saying the same thing, then we can come to like peaceful agreement or something. The world would be so much better if we could handle that.
00:36:06	S:	Right. I wish the student loan companies would say, "What can I do her feel at peace?"
00:36:14	R:	Oh my goodness! I could answer that question: they could forget that I owe them anything.
00:36:19	R+S:	😂
00:36:22	S:	And then I would have so much peace!
00:36:26	R:	Yeah oh goodness!
00:36:29	S:	But no. Taking ownership of that, and deciding to be more financially conscious, and managing my money well, and taking steps to relieve my debt, that would make me feel at peace.
00:36:44	R:	Yeah, I'm working on that. Imma get it. I'm going to get it paid, so I can have peace of financial mind. But I think that's also a thing. You know, people have the saying like, "money can't buy happiness," and I totally agree with that, but I do think that having like financial stability adds to your peace. Because it's one less thing you have to worry about.
00:37:13	S:	And some things that we enjoy cost money. I mean let's be real, like you want to travel to beautiful places, and that wonderful you think of when you're anxious, it cost money.
00:37:28	R:	Yeah. Even just like, I don't know. Like having a job that pays well, for instance, like I have friends that work... So the place that I work, I work as a salaried employee, but some people are like hourly employees. So you have to put in so many hours, and that mandates your paycheck. And the thing about it is, because I'm salaried I get so many days that I get to take off, where I just get paid. So like I can take off on Friday, as a mental health day. Like if something happens, you know, if I'm just not feeling up to it. If I just need a day to myself, and I say, I do want to go to the beach. I can take that day off and my check doesn't get smaller, but in certain fields you don't have that liberty. Or like I know there's a lady at my church that works 4 jobs—I don't know how she does it, but she works 4 jobs to pay like rent and keep food on her table and all of these things. And I'm like you can't just, you can't just take a break for you. In that sense, I think money can definitely help with your peace, and I really wish that there were better options for people who don't have that financial liberty, or who have those types of jobs. Because, I mean I get the whole like "Oh you get paid for when you're here, excetera excetera," but I really do think the U.S. should do something about like paying for some sort of mental health days. 'Cause I think that's why people crack up. Sometimes you just need a day to yourself to breathe.
00:39:20	S:	Yeah, and it's like trying not to overextend yourself and putting yourself in a situation where you're able to take care of yourself and your family. And I agree that stability is very freeing and peaceful if everything is going the way you want it to go.
00:39:49	R:	Yeah. Do you have any other thoughts on peace before we go?
00:39:54	S:	I feel like this conversation was very eye-opening. You know, to help me make steps like in my own life to ensure that I have more sense of peace more often.
00:40:09	R:	Definitely. And I think, just talking about peace with someone. Like I said in the beginning, I've never talked about peace with anyone. Like we have conversations about love; we talk about like happiness, and being sad, and you know whatever, but I feel like we should talk about peace more often, too.
00:40:26	S:	Yeah. And really reach out to people you love and friends and family more often to make sure that they're doing that for themselves, 'cause it's so important.
00:40:40	R:	Yeah, definitely. Well, thank you for hanging out with me, and joining me on the podcast. I appreciate it
00:40:48	S:	thank you so much for asking me!
00:40:51	R:	For my listeners out there, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope that this was beneficial to you, and that you will go forth cultivating peace in your life, is very important I don't know how we can keep sane in this world without trying to get some semblance of peace and help other people have peace as well. So in the meantime, I want you guys to check out the website. Subscribe, like, all of those things! You can find a transcript for this particular episode at www.psmalstogod.com/peace, and I will see you guys in the next episode. Thanks!