What Can Separate Us from the Love of God?

³⁸For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, ³⁹Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39 KJV

Have you ever had moments where you feel like you can't face God? For me, it's usually when I'm angry. In those moments I feel like I've been cut off; it's a weird combination of shame and pride—shame that I'm displeasing my Father, and pride because I don't want to let go of whatever it is that displeases Him. It's comforting to know that even in those moments, we are not truly separated from God's love. As I've grown in my faith, I have repeated Romans 8:38-39 to myself when I feel this distance and that is what has pushed me away from sin and toward the Father.

Let's take a look at all the things Paul lists as not being able to separate us from the Father's love:

Death

The wages of sin are death (Romans 6:23). If we had to atone for our sins ourselves or through animal sacrifices, we would never earn eternal life. We all deserve death, but our Father has proven His love for us by providing a perfect sacrifice for us in His Son. The Messiah won the victory over death and now, if we accept Christ—His sacrifice and His teachings—we, too, are granted victory over death!

Life

When I first read life in the list, it threw me for a loop. Why would life separate us from the love of God? Almost instantly I realized this is a reference to temptation. We live in a fallen society; everything in life is temptation. Not only are the things of the world temptations against God's Word, but it's so easy to get distracted. There are days when I put all my time and energy in to things I need to survive (my job, fixing something at the house, chores, etc.) and when I finally get to sit down, I'm too tired to give the Father quality time. Sometimes days like this come back to back, stacking on top of each other. However, the Word says for every temptation He gives us a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). Simple things like listening to gospel while I clean or praying while I work help me regain my focus on Him. He will not let us get lost in the distractions of life.

Angels

Presumably, Paul is referencing fallen angels here. Like Satan, the other fallen angels would love to see us turn away from the Father; but He has not given them power over us. Arguably, since angel means messenger, Paul could be referencing the message itself, but I believe he means fallen angels.

Principalities

We are subject to the powers that be. Whether you are a 5 year old who has to obey teachers and parents, or an adult who is bound to the laws of your government, there's ablways someone calling the shots. These people can easily require of us something we feel is displeasing to God. However, just as He appeared in the fiery furnace with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, he will come to us as well.

Time

interestingly, Paul doesn't mention things past, which I think would be most people's concern. Of course the entire concept of baptism and salvation discusses things past. The real pressure is on now and the feature. Onve we have chosen to follow and obey the most High God, however, He will work out our future. Amazingly, we can make that choice at any moment, meaning our present state cannot stop us from expereincing the love of God.

Distance

When I first read this, I assumed Paul was referencing physical distance. The Israelites had feasts that required them to go to the Temple; not to mention sacrifices were to be done at the Temple. This is my mind, Paul was saying it doesn't matter where you go because God goest with you. Though now as I type, I see this less literally. He loves us when we are at or worst (valley or depth) and He loves us when we are at our best (hills or height).

Creatures

This was the one that made me scratch my head. If it could, how would an animal separate us from the love of God? I thouhgt of job in the beally of the some sea creature and then I thouhgt of Leviathan and Behemoth... Perhaps these are the creatures He means.

Like A Good Neighbor

Love God and love your neighbor--on these two hang the whole of the commandments.

³¹“But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. ³² And all the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, just as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; ³³and He will put the sheep on His right, but the goats on the left.

³⁴“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; ³⁶naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ ³⁷Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? ³⁸And when did we see You as a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? ³⁹And when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ ⁴⁰And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of Mine, you did it for Me.’

⁴¹“Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, you accursed people, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; ⁴² for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; ⁴³ I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ ⁴⁴Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or as a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’ ⁴⁵ Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it for one of the least of these, you did not do it for Me, either.’ ⁴⁶These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” Matthew 25:31-46 NASB

Following God's commandments are important. Discerning truth is important. Understanding history and prophecy is important. However if we can give a detailed history of paganism in the church (with a little c), lies told, signs of the times, linguistics, and prophecy, but can't show up with that same energy to help our neighbors, we missed the point. (See also: Matthew 7:15-23)

Would You Rather?: Marriage vs Singleness

Would you rather is a fun game to play, particularly when getting to know someone. A person is asked to choose betwen two things of equal desiring—making it hard to decide and opening dialouge as to why the person chooses the option they choose. Recently I stumbled accross several versions of "Would You Rather?: Bible Edition" and found the questions quite intriguing. I've decided to answer one every Sabbath. Let me know your answer to today's "Would You Rather?" in the comment section.

Would you rather be single your whole life or married to an unfaithful spouse?

Answer: It's complicated

Backstory

Paul

Many of God's people never took a spouse, but Paul is perhaps the most famous. He even gives us reasons why singleness can be a good thing.[1]

Hosea/Christ

Hosea was called to married a prostitute—scholars debate whether he married a woman with a promiscuous past who was now faithful or if she remained promiscuous after their marriage. Either way, this marriage was symbolic of God's relationship with Israel and is symbolic of Christ's marriage to the Church. Both Israel and the Churhc struggle to be faithful to God.[2]

Rationale

This is a hard question for me because I have a "logical" answer and a "heart" answer. When I think about the question in it's totality, there are spiritual ramifications, and yet I feel like I would choose the one with negative spiritual consequences (singleness).

As Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7, there are benefits to being single. Most of the drawbacks are external. If you stay in community with your fellow believers, you should not be lonely and if you do not listen to the world's definition of success or happiness, you shouldn't feel incomplete without a spouse.

As someone who is single and has never been married, I am content in my current state and I don't think it would be "the end of the world" if I never married. This is why I lean toward this option.

I say to the unmarried[e] and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am.1 Corinthians 7:8 CSB

Many people in our society have experienced infidelity and based on conversations I've had with married people, I actually believe most couples work it out and remain married. Of course a one time slip up is very different than a serial cheater.

For this question, I imagine the relationship between Christ and the Church or God and Israel, where the spouse is continually breaking the covenant. In this case, of course pride drives me to think I wouldn't want that—if the other person doesn't respect the marriage covenant, why be married? On top of that, in our fallen world, such behavior can quickly get messy. From side babies and baby momma drama to incurable STIs/STDs, not being faithful can have consequences other than just hurt feelings!

The beginning of the word of the Lord by Hosea. And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord. Hosea 1:2 KJV

Of course, the catch here is that God always takes us back. God loves us to the point that He's willing to take on whatever baggage we pick up in the world while we're out doing our own thing without Him. This is extremely profound from a spiritual perspective and exemplifies the meaning of true unconditional love.

There is a Bible verse that says forgive so that you can be forgiven (Luke 6:37) and by choosing remain single, I feel like I'm walking on thin ice... If I can't forgive a cheating spouse, why should I expect God to forgive me for all the things I've done? This is why it's complicated. I want to to choose be married to an unfaithful spouse, but in my heart I'm sure I would choose be single.

Which would you rather do?

References and Footnotes

1. 1 Corinthians 7
2. Hosea 1:2

Marie

Limited choices in a limited time
Bound by expectations and dreams of freedom—
The price too high to bear,
The sacrifice too complex to understand...
Young hearts fighting against old designs;
There's bound to be heartbreak.

The tears of a young girl fall,
Screams in the night can't expell her pain
And silence does little to mask her shame.
Trapped in the shadows of this sinful world,
Her childhood vanishes in raging flames.
Who will go to her? Who will unbreak her heart?

She has always been loved
That limitless love that operates unconditionally
And it has come to claim her,
To remind her of her worth.
If only every girl had this love
If every tear could be made whole.

Footnotes

1. This poem is inspired by all the women of The Feast of All Saints by Anne Rice, but primarily, Marie Ste. Marie
2. I can't believe I haven't written a book review on this book yet! Expect to see that in the coming week

Love and Hate

Hate to love
You say goodbye
And leave today behind
Narratives, false spreading
Of hopelessness
That bind you
Here
You bind that
Hopelessness
Spreading false narratives
Behind today—Leave and
Goodbye! Say you
Love to hate.

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Eric Ward

What is Valentine's Day

² This is what the Lord says:
Do not learn the way of the nations
or be terrified by signs in the heavens,
although the nations are terrified by them,
³for the customs of the peoples are worthless.
Jeremiah 10:2-3 CSB

In the 5th century, a pope "converted" the Roman festival of Lupercalia [3] to the Feast of Purification, which became our modern Valentine's Day [2]

The massacre I remembered is from 1929; it has nothing to do with the origin of Valentine's Day, though I've definitely had people bring it up when the date is talked about.

Bible verses to reference

• Deuteronomy 14:2
• Revelation 18:4
• 2 Corinthians 6:17
• 2 Corinthians 7:1
• Romans 12:2
• 1 John 2:15-16
• Matthew 6:24
• 2 Corinthians 5:17

References

1. "St. Valentine's Day Massacre". History. February 5, 2020
2. "Valentine's Day". Encyclopædia Britannica. April 18, 2019
3. "Lupercalia". Encyclopædia Britannica. November 8, 2016

Book Review: The Poet X

Summary

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo is a coming of age story about a young Latina (Dominican to be specific) growing up in America. The main character, Xiomara, finds her voice through writing in a journal, which eventually leads her to spoken word. Like most teens, she navigates through puberty (change of appearance, body image, self esteem, etc.), sex/sexuality, first crushes, religion, expression, home life, and many other topics.

What I Loved

I love to see books that shed light on the same mundane topics but through the lens of an underrepresented culture. Growing up, every book my teachers assigned to me were from the lens of white culture and had white main characters. It's important to see yourself in literature and it's important to have the nuances of your culture brought out in these seemingly overdone themes, particularly when it's done by someone of the same background. Since I'm not Latina, I can't speak to the accuracy of it's portrayal, but I am nonetheless happy to see novels emerging for this demographic.

I can also say that Ms. Acevedo does a wonderful job of drawing you in to the characters. There were times that I was angry, sad, and happy for the main character as though she were a real person that I knew. The emotion delivered by the writing is spot on, which I think it possibly the most important factor in a coming of age story.

As a writer who definitely used poetry to clear my head and survive my teen years, I really connected with the character and loved the concept of using her poetry journal to tell the story.

What I Disliked

Much of what I disliked about the book has to do with plotholes and the ending of the book, so this section has spoilers. So for those who don't want spoilers, I'll say I found the end to be unrealistic and found at least one plot hole that really bothered me. If that is satisfactory for you, you can skip to the next section. Otherwise, continue to the spoilers below.

Unrealistic Ending (spoilers)

The climax of the book comes when Xiomara's lies come to the attention of her mother, and her mother reacts exactly the way I would expect. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not Latina, but in my experience there are quite a few things black culture (particularly in the South) and Latinx culture share: no nonsense parents who put the fear of God in you seem to be one of them. Xiomara's mother is so angry that she destroys her daughter's notebook, not by ripping it up or throwing it away, but by setting it on fire and burning it to ashes. Yet, within a few pages and less than a month of time, she is at a poetry slam supporting her daughter.

I feel like using the priest to soften her anger is almost a dues ex machina. I can't flat out call it a dues ex machina because the groundwork is there; we see that her mother is a very devout Catholic (more on that later), so naturally she would be moved by the words of the priest. I just feel like it's unrealistic. This is the same issue I have with 99% of Disney movies. Overbearing, strict parents do not turn into jello overnight. My parents, though not nearly as overbearing or as strict as the archetype given in this book or most stories, still get mad and fuss at me for trivial things and I'm 31 years old living on my own. It took them 3 years to accept me being vegetarian, and my mom still says snide remarks once in a blue moon. There's no way I could have gone against my parents wishes and not only be allowed to continue in that path but supported. Realistically, I see Xiomara's mom letting her have a journal that she promises to keep private, but refusing to let her continue to participate in poetry club or perform at the poetry slam. Also, I doubt she'd let Xiomara continue to spend time with the boyfriend; I think that too would have taken time and came with a hefty set of rules.

Plot Holes (spoilers)

That brings me to the plot hole. Xiomara has a twin bother who we discover is gay. We discover this because Xiomara writes about it in her notebook. When Xiomara's mother discovers the notebook, she specifically complains that Xiomara is writing horrible things about her family in the notebook. If she read the notebook, Xiomara would have accidentally outed her twin brother, but this never comes up. The story concludes with no resolution to his storyline and nothing explicitly stating that the parents know or don't know that he's gay.

That being said, I don't even know what the purpose of his storyline is. In the beginning, he acts as a foil to Xiomara—he's smart, doesn't get into trouble, involved in church, mild mannered, etc. Ignoring the fact that this is cliché and could have been accomplished just as easily through the best friend, it serves as source of internal struggle, as Xiomara compares herself to her twin brother often. The share a room, parents, and DNA, so this is easily a source of confusion and frustration that they could be so different. However, with the introduction of the twin as being gay, we don't get anymore depth to the story. There are a few poems where we see Xiomara somewhat accept things, we don't really see any relief in the sense that now she's not the only oddball. They don't have a heart to heart and open up to each other about what has been happening in their respective lives. The parents don't seem to know, so it's not a factor in why they magically become more lenient toward her. It's really just there to have 1 shocking thing in the story, because the rest of the plot is entirely predictable as most coming of age stories are.

From a Spiritual Perspective

Over the course of this blog, as I've grown my relationship with Christ, I've also started being more aware of what I'm consuming from a spiritual point of view. So, I also want to disclose what I thought of the book from a spiritual perspective, keeping in mind that the target audience for this book is teens.

Sex and Sexuality

I don't have a problem with the themes of sex and sexuality in general. These are important topics and very real concerns/experiences at that age. In fact I'd call the book unrealistic if she wasn't sorting through her new figure, having her first crush, questioning whether she wanted to go all the way or wait... That's normal. I know super conservative Christians would probably shy away from these topics, but sex when placed in the right context is a great thing, and by shying away from the topic we do more harm than good. Honestly, Song of Solomon is way more risqué than anything written in this book.

However, I will say that because the book is written from the point of view of a teenager and she doesn't have any close relationships with any adults, there isn't any sense of morality attached to anything really. We get a lot of her questions and thoughts, but there aren't any answers or guidance to round out the discussion. This isn't just for the main character's exploration of sex and sexuality, but also for other characters in the book. We don't really see closure on these topics or even a healthy dialogue or counter point that would cause the reader to truly think about both sides of the argument. As an adult it's not really a big deal because I already experienced those questions and came to conclusions, but for the target audience who are going through the throes of life with the main character, all they really get is: "do what you think is right and your parents will come around eventually." I don't think that's a great message.

Portrayal of God

The family is Catholic, which makes sense given their background. Of course, the problem is that we live in a society where Catholicism is synonymous with Christianity despite the fact that most of what they do is anti-Biblical and many of their customs are taken from pagan sun worship religions. Nonetheless, the average person reading this will take the ideas of the mother and the priest and ascribe them to Christianity and to the God of Abraham. Given that, it's definitely not a positive portrayal of God.

Once again, I have no problem with tackling a character that is doubting her faith. I think that's a common experience that many can relate to and maybe should be present in literature. However, just like the other issues broached there is no closure.

Would I Recommend

I really wanted to like this book, but end the end, I wouldn't recommend it. Even without getting into how I feel about it from a spiritual perspective, I felt like there was no real closure. Everything was tidied up in a neat package that didn't really make sense. I don't feel like the main character really came of age, so much as she did her own thing and her mother accepted it for the time being. I'm not sure how much she really learned about herself, many of the questions she seemed to have in the beginning were still unanswered at the end. Given that it is a coming of age novel, there really isn't much of a plot, so the impact has to come from the growth of the character. I sympathized with the character and I rooted for the character, but I didn't feel like she experienced such a dynamic growth that the book was satisfying in the end.

Without thinking about the spiritual perspective, I'd say it was "meh." It definitely wasn't an "I-can't-put-this-down" type of book, but I didn't give up on it midway (as has happened to some books). There were things I liked, and things I didn't like, so I probably would have rated it 2.5 or 3 stars. Taking into consideration that it lacks any spiritual grounding (from a Biblical point of view), I'd say my final rating is 2 or 2.5 stars.

Forced Love Isn't Love

Season 1 Episode 37

But if it doesn’t please you to worship the Lord, choose for yourselves today: Which will you worship—the gods your fathers worshiped beyond the Euphrates River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living? As for me and my family, we will worship the Lord.” Joshua 24:15 CSB

Countless people try to force the love of God on people they meet, but love isn't something that's forced. It's something given freely, an offer that can accepted or rejected. The damage we cause by trying to force people into a relationship with God is deadly, so let's talk about it.

References and Footnotes

Proverbs 22:6

Matthew 10

At birth, you're supposed to be head first, face down. I was head first, face up.

Most Likely to Shoot Their Shot

Season 1 Episode 30

⁵So Ruth said to her, “I will do everything you say.” ⁶She went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law had charged her to do. ⁷After Boaz ate, drank, and was in good spirits, he went to lie down at the end of the pile of barley, and she came secretly, uncovered his feet, and lay down.

⁸At midnight, Boaz was startled, turned over, and there lying at his feet was a woman! ⁹So he asked, “Who are you?”

“I am Ruth, your servant,” she replied. “Take me under your wing, for you are a family redeemer.”Ruth 3:5-9 CSB

The entrance to where I stayed in Belize
Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Tamarcus Brown

Is it proper for a woman to "shoot her shot"? My friends and I have been talking about dating almost nonstop for the past week and while I wish I'd just recorded our conversation, I had to let some of that conversation bleed over in to the podcast. So let's talk about Ruth basically asking Boaz to marry her...

Footnotes and References

Ronald L. Eisenberg. "Levirate Marriage". My Jewish Learning; visited August 2019

Christopher R. Smith. "Did Ruth seduce Boaz to get him to marry her? (Part 3)". Good Question Blog. February 20, 2013

Judah and Tamar - Genesis 38

Book Review: Crazy Rich Asians

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan came on my radar when the trailer for the movie dropped. The movie garnered a lot of attention because it features an all Asian cast and its not a martial arts movie, something Hollywood has been reluctant to do. As a fellow minority, I was really excited to see a minority group get their due screen time. When I first saw the trailer, I had no idea it was based on a book, but even when I discovered that, I wasn't really interested in reading the book. The book follows Rachel Chu discovering the vastly different life of her exceedingly rich boyfriend and trying to fit into the world he grew up in. I'm definitely more of a Sci-Fi/Fantasy or Historical Fiction type of girl, so rom-com in book form didn't really sound like a fun read. Still, when I saw the book on the shelf the last time I went to the bookstore, I had to buy it. This marks only the second time in my life that I've watched the movie before reading the book (Lord of the Rings being the other occasion).

What I Loved

What I love about the book is that the author isn't afraid to insert colloquial phrases and sayings into the dialogue. Sure, majority of the readers probably had to read the footnotes like I did to understand these phrases, but I feel like it's the only thing that made me feel immersed in the culture. The Historical Fiction lover in me found the additional information provided by the footnotes to be particularly interesting.

What I Didn't Love

I usually don't mind reading young adult lit, in fact I often enjoy it. However, this felt teenager-y: the pettiness, the gossipy-ness, the predictability of the plot... It just didn't engross me the way I would hope. Also, as someone who isn't in to fashion or designers, much of the materialism was lost on me. It didn't create a sense of fantasy or intrigue, because I just didn't care about this designer or that designer and it didn't make me feel their wealth, if that makes any sense.

Getting Deep

However, Crazy Rich Asians is actually satire (I think). As I read it, it seemed like shallow drama, but as I reflected on it, I kept wondering why these Chinese women in Singapore were so obsessed with Western culture. They didn't want an American-born Chinese girl for their daughter-in-law, but they kept with Western traditions. References to "accent-less" English, and the notion that their children had to be educated in European schools and be Christian. The main character even takes note of it when having tea, the British way, at the home of the family matriarch.

When I looked at the possible social commentary on creating/maintaining your own culture while simultaneously assimilating to the majority (or dominate) culture to "get ahead," I felt a real kinship with the book. This has been the fate of so many groups of people, particular in lands that were colonized. It's like a strange sort of Stockholm syndrome, where the British have successfully convinced the people that their own culture is unacceptable, but the British culture is "the right culture." I'm not sure if this was the author's intent, however, because I couldn't really sort out the final statement.

Differences From the Movie (Spoilers!)

During the movie, I couldn't figure out how Peik Lin and Rachel were good friends but Peik Lin had no idea that Rachel's boyfriend of two years was Nick Young. This means there was no obsessing over him before they were official, she didn't ask what he looked like or look him up at the university, there were no pictures on social media... Even someone like me, who just joined Instagram at the beginning of the year, thinks this is a bit far-fetched. Especially since Nick is from the same place as Peik Lin, who seems to know everyone. Why wouldn't she ask what his last name is?

In the book, Peik Lin knows all of this information, she just doesn't know who the Youngs are. Their family, and thus their family's wealth, is shrouded in mystery. Of course that opens another plot hole: if a well connected and informed local doesn't know who the Youngs are or how rich they are, why is the family convinced Rachel does and is out for his money? Why doesn't it ever occur to them that she had no idea what she was walking into?

Another difference is the number of characters. In the movie, some characters are dropped or blended together, which I think worked well. It was a bit much to keep up with so many different people in the book.

Spoiler alert #1. In the book, the plot twist is that Michael didn't actually cheat on Astrid. The whole plot twist kind of sucked, in my opinion. In the movie, I felt a tinge of sympathy for Michael because it was obvious that he felt insecure. It almost seemed like he just had the affair to get some attention. In the book however, he just wants out of the marriage. The undertones of him being insecure are there, but really it sounds like from the get-go he just married her for the sex. Book Michael is way more cowardly that movie Michael.

Spoiler alert #2. Rachel's dad isn't just alive and not with the family, he's actually in prison. The story of her mother's abuse and escape is much more intense, including a threat to Rachel herself. Also, Nick's mom learns this information before she ever meets Rachel and holds it as an ace-in-the-hole. I kind of liked this version better because it makes more sense that they would be averse to a girl who's mother kidnapped her and who's father is in prison.

Spoiler alert #3. Nick is much more of a playboy. In the movie, we know he had a thing with Amanda Ling, but how intense/serious this thing was is unknown. Given the overall atmosphere, you could easily believe she was more into him than he was into her. However in the book, Nick not only has a relationship with Amanda, but admits to a threesome with another girl. So, definitely not the most wholesome, Christian man (despite the constant references to Christianity in the book).

Spoiler alert #4. Nick's Mom doesn't consent to the marriage in this book (it's a series so presumably, that comes later). Rachel also never actually agrees to marry him in this book. It simply ends with them reconciled.

Would I Recommend?

I don't know if I would recommend the book or not. I guess it really depends on the person. The book had great potential, but I feel like it would have benefited from a stronger plot and/or less pages. There really isn't enough happening to fill 500+ pages, in my opinion. Overall, I liked the book enough to finish it. It took me about 4 days to read it, which is way longer than a book this length would normally take me. However I'm more likely to rewatch the movie than I am to re-read the book.

Most Likely to Step Out On Faith

Your instinct is telling you one thing, but your mind is trying to rationalize everything, so it's telling you the opposite. Can you ever trust your gut feeling if you don't truly believe in the power of Christ?

Season 1 Episode 16

⁹The heart is more deceitful than anything else,
and incurable—who can understand it?
¹⁰I, the Lord, examine the mind,
I test the heart
to give to each according to his way,
according to what his actions deserve.Jeremiah 17:9-10 CSB

00:01:15	Hey guys! Welcome back to the PSALMS to God podcast. Today we are back to the Yearbook Superlatives Series, and I want to talk about the person that is Most like to Step Out on Faith. Stepping out on faith is hard. It basically means that we have no idea what's going on. It probably seems a little illogical. It's not something that we necessarily want or desire, but it's something that we think God desires and God has called us to do. And so we do it, even though we don't necessarily know what the plan is. We don't know how it's going to work out. We just do it. And there's a person in the Bible that—well, OK there's a lot of people in the Bible who clearly exemplify this type of behavior, but in the past week or so I've been talking to some of my friends, we've been talking about a lot of things and this one person has been on my mind because of the nature of the conversations we've been having. And so I wanted to talk about this person and how it relates to our lives today.
00:02:30	Before I go into talking about the person and what they did and what their life was about, I really wanted to stop and talk about why I chose Jeremiah 17:9-10 to start off this discussion. So part of why I'm doing this particular episode, and why I want to talk about this person, comes down to one of the things that I personally struggle with, and that is trusting in my own self—which I don't know if that's really how I want to word it because we're not supposed to trust in ourselves, we're supposed to trust in God. You know, lean not unto your own understanding but trust in the wisdom of God. That's from Proverbs, I think it's from Proverbs 3; not really sure which verses in Proverbs 3.[1] But basically, there are things that we should be able to trust. I should be able to trust in my knowledge of God, that I know God. I should be able to trust in my knowledge of scripture, because I should know the scriptures, and one of the things that I think, personally for me, is that I think I have the gift of discernment.[2]
00:03:47	I... All my life I have been really, really accurate at predicting the character of people or the nature of situations. My first instincts are almost always right. I can't really think of a scenario, right now, where my instinct has been saying "trust this person," and they were untrustworthy or said "don't trust this person," and they've actually turned out to be trustworthy. Pretty much every time&dmdash;I remember being a kid—there were, you know, all of these scams and stuff that people were bringing up. People trying to, you know, weasel their way into property to get money and stuff from our family, and you know, I was like 10, you know, I'm 8/10/11, and when these people would come to the house, you know, after they left I would tell my dad or my mom or my grandfather, whoever I had met these people with, I'd be like "I don't trust them. I think they were lying the whole time," and you know, a couple of days later, a week later, whenever things would come out, the truth was they were lying. And so I was like clearly I have some sort of radar for this, and I think that that would boil down to the Spirit of discernment.
00:05:09	But I wish I could say that I always follow through on that, but a lot of times I'm like "Shiree maybe you're being judgmental, you shouldn't think that. You don't know that person; they could be a really nice person." And a lot of times, I second-guessed whether my instinct is correct or not. And I think some of that is self-taught—err, not self-taught but, you know, people—because it started when I was a kid—people would say things like, "Oh you're negative. Oh, you know, you don't trust people. You have trust issues." And so instead of people saying "Oh I think you have the Spirit of discernment, you should trust what The Spirit is telling you," I was more so told "you're paranoid," or something like that. And so I think in that I learned to distrust my own instinct.
00:06:05	And it even boiled over into school. So when I was taking tests, particularly like multiple choice tests, I would always think of the right answer first, and then when I would go back and check the test, and I would go back over my work, I would second-guess my own answers. I would be able to rationalize and talk myself out of the first answer and think that something else was the right answer, and then I would try to give that answer, which would inevitably be the wrong answer. So when I would get my test back, I could see, you know, the faint pencil markings where I had erased the correct answer, but I had marked the wrong answer and I'd get the question wrong. And that's not how I want to live for God. I don't want to be standing before God and He's like "You know, I know that you thought about doing XYZ but you talked yourself out of it and did ABC, but you were supposed to do XYZ, and you didn't do it." That is not—you know it's one thing to fail, you know, an English test, I'm not trying to fail God's test.
00:07:18	I want to be able to step out on faith and do what God is actually telling me to do. And so that is one of the motivations I had for the episode. So the reason the person that I am going to talk about came to mind is because me and my friends have been talking a lot about dating lately, and if you're single, you know that dating in 2019 is hard. It is hard. It is rough, and it is crazy. And you know who else had a crazy experience in the world of love? Hosea. Hosea is or was a prophet from the Northern Kingdom of Israel. For those who are a little rusty on your history of Israel—ancient Israel not modern Israel—in ancient Israel they had the united kingdom, which was ruled first by Saul, then by David, then by Solomon. After Solomon's reign, when Solomon's son took over, there was a split, and they had the southern kingdom—which was Judah, which had the temple and had Jerusalem, and was continued to be ruled by the lineage of David—and then they have the northern kingdom—which is often referred to as Israel or Ephraim, or eventually it becomes Samaria. And it was ruled by other kings, and they basically were in apostasy. They were kind of doing sin the whole time. None of their kings were particularly good kings, but then they eventually fell to Assyria—and this is where we get the lost tribes of Israel, because there were about 10 tribes that were living in the northern kingdom that once they got captive by Assyria, they never really returned and regain their identity as Israel.
00:09:28	So Hosea started to minister and prophesy slightly after the reign of one of their, I guess, biggest rulers—or one of their most successful rulers. I'm not really sure how you should classify him, but he started reigning after someone named Zechariah became king, and he basically started ministering. And during his reign, I think... Reign?[3] During his prophecies, basically the Assyrian Empire takes over Israel, and so that's kind of the era that Hosea was prophesying in—right at the collapse of Israel. There was basically chaos. They were changing kings like we change socks, OK. It was just basic chaos, and so Hosea was trying to talk some sense into these people. Clearly they were going astray, and God was trying to use Hosea to make a point to the Israelites. So God told Hosea to do something that I don't think nobody would expect God to tell them to do, and that is to marry a prostitute...
00:10:49	Y'all! God had Hosea marry a prostitute! I know y'all know the saying: you can't turn a you-know-what into a housewife. I know you know the saying. But God told Hosea to do that. The whole point of God telling Hosea to do this was to illustrate the whole concept of the Bride of Christ or the fact that the church is the bride and God is the husband, and it was to illustrate the unconditional love that God has for His people—even though the people were turning away from God—what the Old Testament ultimately refers to as adultery. They were out, you know, consorting with other gods, with pagan gods, with pagan practices—God was still willing to love them. He was still willing to go to them. So even after this woman does all of this stuff, she's still worthy to be the wife of Hosea, and he's still supposed to love her and to treat her well, and to show her back to the state that she was supposed to be and was meant to be in it. And that's a lot. That's a lot to ask of somebody. I don't think anybody really desires someone that has that kind of a past, let alone somebody who might be currently entrapped in that situation.
00:12:31	So one of the things that stood out to me about what Hosea did and what God called Hosea to do versus these conversations I've been having lately with my friends about dating, is that we are not necessarily... We think that we're following what God says but sometimes we're still following our heart. Like I said in the beginning, the heart is deceitful. And it can be a circular thing, because you know the devil will step in and have you thinking this that and the other. It can be really confusing to just simply clear your mind, listen to God, and see whether that's playing this way or that way. It's hard. I can testify to that, but I was sitting and talking to one of my friends. We're talking about dating, and she was saying that, basically, she was saying that she knew that God would not send her a man who had a child to be her husband. She doesn't want a husband who already has children. It was interesting because when she mentioned it that's pretty much when Hosea popped into my head, because I was thinking, I mean obviously the one thing that I think is a definite is that God will not send you somebody else's husband. OK, let's put that out there. God is not going to send you somebody else's husband, or for my gentleman that are listening in, God is not going to send you somebody else's wife. That's... OK. That's fool proof. You can trust on that, but when we got into these other things, I think there are definitely things that we desire of the heart that actually have no merit in what God is trying to do in the grand picture.
00:14:38	And so you know her saying God would not send me a man that already has children, I was like yeah... You know, I would like for God to send me a man that doesn't already have children, and I'm sure you would, too, but I'm not actually convinced that God would not send you that, because what it is is that something we don't want. But just like God used this situation with Hosea to prove a point, both to Hosea and to the nation at large, sometimes our purpose is a lot greater than what we think it is or it's a lot trickier than what we think it is. Sometimes there are these things that we have to go through, these things that we have to accept. So we have certain ideas, certain desires, but the truth is no one is perfect, and everyone has a past. Everyone comes from something, and in the end whatever experience the person that God has for you has been through, has brought them to where they are now. And perhaps for them to be the person that is compatible with you, they may have had to go through XYZ experience, and that experience may not be something that is particularly desirable of your heart—whether it's because of something society has taught us, or is it just because we basically desire a perfect spouse. You can't really be certain.
00:16:20	Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Ian Stauffer And so it was interesting, because like I said, as we were talking about it, I started to think about all of the things that I just had as like a preconceived notion in my mind, and I think this is one of the problems in the church. When people walk into the church, church people can be judgmental. They see somebody that has tattoos, they see somebody that's dressed a certain way. If you attend a Seventh-Day Adventist Church maybe if you see people with jewelry, they feel a certain way—and I didn't even know that was a thing until people started talking to some of my friends at church about their jewelry. It's a whole thing. We'll come back to jewelry in another podcast episode, but people will look at that outward appearance and they will jump to all kinds of conclusions because they have a preconceived notion of what it means to be of God, or to be a Christian, or to be following the Word of God. But there are things in life that are permanent. They're permanent markers of our experiences. You could call them scars, you can call them battle...victory, victory scars? Victory markings, whatever you want to call them, but there are things that happen in our life that shape our walk with Christ, and shape how we become who we are, that cannot be erased. They just exist. That's kind of how tattoos are. If you went out and got a bunch of tattoos when you were 19, they're there. They're going to be there. You could have a whole, you can be tatted from head to toe, and you could have found God years later, days later, whatever. You could have been a believer and just not had a conviction about tattoos when you got the tattoos, whatever that doesn't mean that at the moment that I see you, you are not in a relationship with God, and that you are lost. But that's how a lot of people will treat that person. But none the less, whatever experiences they went through are showing, because you're going to see those tattoos, you're going to see these markings of what they liked at the time that they got the marking or what they thought or what they believe.
00:18:48	And that's similar for other experiences that may not be so visually appropriate, visually...I don't know what word I'm looking for there, but basically you could have gone through something, whether you went through a rough time... Whether you had a rough upbringing—those lessons, those treatments, how you view the world, they're going to shape some of how you behave now. They're going to shape how you perceive the world, how you change your actions, and how you react to things. You're going to have, I don't even know... There's just so many examples that can be given, but all of these things, ultimately are things that God had you go through to make you who you are. So when I look back, you know, there are things that I'm not necessarily proud of that I've done or said, and then there are things that I look back on that I'm like you know I had to go to that to be where I am now. I had to experience that to be who I am now, and so while my journey may be tame compared to other people, some people may have had to go through more extreme trials and tribulations. So I just think it's interesting that when we meet people, we can see these things, and it can alter our perception of them.
00:20:32	And one of the things that I've really clung to as an adult—probably in my mid-twenties I started to realize that a lot of times when were saying certain things, like the example of my friends saying that she didn't think that God would send her a husband who already has a child, a lot of times we're looking at our past and seeing how similar our past is to the other person's past. And we're looking for someone who has been demonstrating a past that is similar to ours to look for our future. And so we're looking to try to see the future, but the problem is just because we walked the same walk from the time we were children until the time we were in our twenties, does not mean we're going to continue to walk the same walk. Because you may not have any children... So for instance, keeping that theme and that topic, I have male friends who don't have any kids. They never been married, but they don't necessarily believe in God. That's yeah, OK, so we came from the same place: we both don't have kids. This is a desirable thing. You haven't necessarily been out here being reckless and unsafe, but we're not going in the same direction. We have no desire to go in the same direction, and that's not to say that just because someone does or doesn't have kids that you can tell the direction they're going in, I'm just saying that we have to be more focused on where we're going, if we're going in the same direction, than where we came from. I think where we came from is important, and it does have some bearing on where we're going, but that's not the most important thing, and I think it is, that is a crucial component to stepping out on faith, because if Hosea had looked at Gomer, which is who became his wife, if he had looked at her behavior and saw that she was a prostitute and that she had been reckless and doing all of these things, he would not have pursued her.
00:23:03	Let's think about this: yes, there are plenty of men out here who have no problem dating somebody who has slept with everybody and their mama, because they don't care. Or they just have different ideas about life, but when you picture a godly man, when you a picture a man who is for instance a preacher, or somebody who is, you know, leading a ministry, the men that you think are the most desirable men in the church, the ones who have their life together, they are steeped in the Word of God, you do not picture them dating a prostitute—some girl that they met at the club, who was tooted up, dress all up her behind, everything showing. That's not who you picture them marrying. And these are things that you know we as women, we be sitting here like, "Wait a minute! Here I am trying to be a nice godly woman. I'm trying to imitate the Proverbs 31 Woman out here. They out here marrying a prostitute!" You would be appalled, and you would feel some type of way. But that's exactly what God told Hosea to do.
00:24:21	Now, I think it's slightly different in the context of Hosea being a godly man and, Gomer being a "lost woman," because the man is supposed to be the head of the household. His job was to lead her to Christ, that again is probably a lot longer of a topic than can we have to go into right now, but I think it might be slightly different in the context of a woman and a man if the roles are reversed. But in the New Testament, there are passages that talk about if people are married and their spouse is not a believer and they are a believer, and it being on the believer to win the spouse over, and that their behavior may influence the spouse. And it talks about women influencing their husband and showing their husband the love of God through their walk, as well.[4] So I don't think it's necessarily impossible that God would have you in a situation that is not what you expected and that you would have to step out on faith in dealing with that situation. Now, that's not to say that you should be reckless and just be getting any ol' trifling person because you think that God is trying to lead you to convert them, or to make that change in their life. What I'm talking about is, like I said in the beginning, of discernment and instinct.
00:25:59	Do not let the world and their perception of people talk you out of your instinct. That is my whole point. There are things that God does that we don't expect. And some of the things that God does, we already know and we already expect it, and so we have to trust our instinct. We have to trust the voice of the Holy Spirit. So once you start communing with God, once you start that relationship, you're praying. You're reading the word. You're walking with God on a consistent basis. You have to get to the point where you can hear His voice and trust what He is saying, because if He comes to you with something like this, then that's what He comes to you with. And if the devil comes to you with something like this, you need to know the difference. And that is where things get a little tricky, and that is the thing that I want us to all be mindful of as we go out in the world and pursue relationships—whether they are romantic relationships, friendships, professional relationships, familial relationships, all types of relationships—let us be mindful of what our role is in that relationship and what God is calling us to do in the lives of those around us.
00:27:23	Thank you guys for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed the episode. I hope you learned something. I definitely learned some things. The transcript for this particular episode is on the website www.psalmstogod.com/SteppingOutOnFaith. Thank you guys once again! I will see you next time.

Footnotes and References

1. Proverbs 3:5-7
2. If that is the gift I have, I should be able to trust in that as well.
3. By reigning I definitely meant Hosea started ministering. My brain was suck on kings it seems.
4. 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Fruit of the Spirit: Peace featuring Sarah

Peace is hard to come by in a world of violence, but we're all seeking it anyway. Sarah and I talk about what we've learned about peace through the ups, downs, and zig-zags of life.

Season 1 Episode 15

The result of righteousness will be peace;
the effect of righteousness will be quiet confidence forever.Isaiah 32:17 CSB

Time
00:01:03	Ree:	Hey guys. Welcome back to the PSALMS to God podcast. So, today we're back to the fruit of the spirit and we're talking about peace. So I asked my friend, Sarah, to come on and talk to me. We met in college, and we're in the same sorority—she's my sorority sister. I feel like Sarah's probably been around me for like the craziest part of my life, and we've never actually really talked about peace, so I thought it would be a great conversation. So hey Sarah!
00:01:00	Sarah:	Hi. So yeah, when you asked what peace was, I was like I have no idea.
00:01:42	R+S:	😂
00:01:45	S:	Especially when it feels like in my life right now I have no idea what peace is. But then when I sat down and like really thought about it, I thought of peace as more of a feeling and a mental state of mind. You know what I mean?
00:02:02	R:	Yeah.[1] I realized like when I got getting ready to do this episode, and I was like okay the next episode is going to be on peace. I realized like I don't think I've ever had a conversation with anybody about peace. I don't think I've ever just sat down and been like "what is peace?"
00:02:19	S:	Yeah. So, I don't know; I guess I just associate it with a feeling. Because everything can be wrong or going wrong in your life, whether it's like financially, or if you're feeling overwhelmed at school, or if you're in like a terrible relationship, but a moment can make you feel at peace—whether it's like a hug or like a great conversation or like being with family or going on a vacation. I don't know. Those are things I associate with peace because they just makes me feel like I have some like calmness and I'm relaxed. and I'm maybe not thinking of those things that stress me out.
00:03:05	R:	Yeah I definitely think getting rid of stressors. Hugs—I love hugs. I don't know, there's something about a hug from like a friend or like a family member or somebody that you just know that like cares about you can like suddenly make things go away. All of a sudden it doesn't matter that you just like flunked a test or that you made a fool of yourself in your front of your boss, or whatever. It's just like it's OK.
00:03:36	S:	Right. I agree. It's like 10 seconds—well, it depends on the person how long the hug is 'cause like some people you only want a half hug and other people you want the full hug 😂—but I'll say it's like 10 seconds of like a moment where you don't have to think about what's going wrong.
00:03:56	R:	Yes. Like a refocusing of your mind.
00:03:59	S:	Right.
00:04:01	R:	Yeah, I think it's been interesting because so far I've done love, I've done joy, and even coming into peace it seems like it's a conscious choice—like it's a feeling. Like all of these things are like feeling versus choice questions, but the more I dug into peace, it's kind of like re-situating your mind so that you're not focusing on like the negative, but like, you said, forgetting about whatever's happening. And that's kind of like a choice that you have to make to seek peace, right?[2]
00:04:41	S:	Right. Then I realized like peace and it's correlation with mental health.
00:04:49	R:	Yes!
00:04:50	S:	And that peace, even though we want it to just kind of like fall out of the sky, it takes a lot more work than you think.
00:05:01	R:	Definitely. I...I don't know. Like, there are times when, you know, people like "Oh, you just should like make that choice, and you should just decide to think positive, positively, or forget about it." And you know I'm awkward. You know I'm super awkward and I do things all the time and even I'm like "Shiree, don't think about it," and other people are probably not thinking about it, it just like replays over and over in my head. And it could just be like little things, like... I don't know like I walked into a wall in front of people.
00:05:44	S:	😂[3]
00:05:43	R:	And I'm like so bothered because I'm like "oh my gosh, these people think I'm an idiot!" And like I do things like that at work all the time, and I'm just like super wound up about like how the people around me are viewing whatever it is I've done. But I feel like it's my responsibility to like consciously stop thinking of it. But it's so hard
00:06:06	S:	Right, and what's crazy is like those little things like maybe in the moment, someone would be like "Oh my gosh, really?" and like maybe laugh a little bit. But like five seconds after that, theyforgot about it. We beat ourselves up about things—like how we are portrayed by others—when like half the time, they're thinking about how they're being portrayed by others, you know like they're not even worried about whatever we did, said, or even thinking about it. They're thinking about what stresses them out.
00:06:42	R:	Exactly! And it's...I don't know. It's so bizarre. Even as I get older and realize that like I still do it, I have to remind myself like they're not even paying you any attention.
00:06:54	S:	Right.
00:06:55	R:	I don't know. It was interesting. So I looked up the word "peace" and I started digging into like what it means. And I looked up the word in different languages and things like that. And I found out like some pretty cool things. So first I looked at the regular definition of "peace" in the dictionary,[4] and it talks about peace in the sense of like the absence of conflict, and I think once I read it, I was like "Oh yeah." Like...like a peace treaty or something; like that where we're not at war so there's peace, so to speak.
00:07:32	S:	Right.
00:07:33	R:	And like that kind of went down the path of like things about safety and security; which, I mean, in our society I feel like even though we may not be at war per sé, it's still hard to kind of feel peace, because we have so much going on. Like they just had the shooting in New Zealand.[5] Like it's hard to feel at peace when you know crazy people are out here doing heinous things. You know, and we have all of the things with like police brutality, and these things of course, take away from our sense of peace from a sense of like safety.
00:08:11	S:	Yeah.
00:08:13	R:	But as I kept digging, I looked up the Hebrew and the Greek words that are used like Biblically to mean peace. The Greek word—I don't know how to pronounce this so I'm probably butchering it, but it looks like something like "εἰρήνη" or something like that. And it seems to match like the English version of peace.[6] But when I got to the Hebrew version, there are like a couple of different versions of the word, but it's basically "shalom"[7][8][9][10] and on top of like what we already kind of discussed and what we generally think of peace meaning, it also means like completeness.
00:08:54	S:	Yeah.
00:08:56	S:	And that kind of blew my mind, because I never really thought of peace meeting like completeness. But then as I thought about it, I was like "oh yeah every time I'm not at peace with a situation or with a person, it's because there's something that's unresolved, or there's something that's lacking, or I want something and it's not there."
00:09:18	S:	Right. And I've witnessed people of Jewish faith like use that word, and say it to one another, as like a... I don't know. Like when they're leaving someone or when they're greeting someone. They say "shalom" and like I never thought that it was associated with peace, but as you said a sense of wholeness and that's like so beautiful. Like I don't know! I don't think I've ever said anything that's that deep to someone, and you know, it could be helpful in a way; if you really think to what it means.
00:10:02	R:	Right. Yeah they do, and I think they say something like... I think, well this is the English version, I think they say "peace be with you."[11] I think it's something like that, when they like greet people. And yeah that is really beautiful. Like we should start saying that in English.
00:10:19	R+S:	😂
00:10:22	S:	All the time. Ok, that's a little much but we can say "peace be with you" on the—I know like in Catholicism, in the middle of church, the priest always says, "Peace be with you," and you always say back "And always with you." So there's like a Christian link to that as well. So I guess we do that as Christians. We're not giving ourselves enough credit, here.
00:10:47	R:	😂. But yeah, it's like, I think it's really profound. And when I was listening to this video on like what this word means and they were talking about this like completeness,[12] I don't know. It just kind of made me re-evaluate my life, and try to like go back and think about when I felt like the most at peace. And I was shocked how much it mirrors like the idea of completeness, because I feel like—believe it or not—I feel like I was at the most peace when I was at college.
00:11:25	S:	I guess I can agree with that. But I think it's just you're surrounded by like so much like love and friendship, like constantly, and like so much support.
00:11:39	R:	Yeah, I felt like... In college, I felt like on the one hand like I was never really afraid to fail per sé—because I mean, obviously, I was afraid to like flunk out of school 'cause my parents would have killed me—but I felt like, I don't know, you feel like nothing bad is going to happen to you. And like I always... Like you guys were always there. I mean we all live in the same like area. There's always somebody, like when we would go to the dining hall, like there's always somebody to sit with. Like I was never really anxious about having people around me to like be comforting or anything. And even when I fail, like if I failed a test, chances are somebody else has failed a test that can be like I failed that test too. And so, it's just like everything kind of fits in. You feel like whole. And it wasn't until like maybe near the end of my senior year, where you start trying to figure out what you're going to do with your life, and you're just kind of like blindly walking, that suddenly I felt like peace just kind of went out the window.
00:12:50	S:	Yeah. I feel like peace went out the window when you have to take that stuff like into adulthood. With that comes more responsibility, and you find yourself more busy, or you have to relocate and those friends that were like so close like just a walkaway are now gone. And I don't know. I guess just like more responsibility is what makes you feel like your peace is gone.
00:13:18	R:	Yeah. I definitely... Like I'm always scared I'm going to forget to pay a bill or something and they're going to—
00:13:28	S:	😂They're going to turn your lights off?
00:13:30	R:	Yeah! No, I actually almost had this happen. So it took me awhile to figure out how to get my utility bill to be auto-drafted, and it just due at some like random date in the middle of the month. It's not due on the first or anything that's memorable. And so over the summer like I went home for a while, and I didn't check the mail before I left, so I was gone for like 2 weeks. I guess the bill came at that point, and I like forgot to pay it, and so I was like maybe like 2 weeks late paying my utility bill. And I got like the notice that if I didn't pay it by like a certain date they were going to cut my water off, and I was just like "oh my gosh! I'm failing. I'm so failing at this."
00:14:14	R+S:	😂
00:14:16	S:	That is not a failure at all. Like, and then I'm like I don't even have that much responsibility. Like there are some people our age that have children and whole families. I can't even manage my life like the way it is and don't have any of that.
00:14:38	R:	No. I have so much more of a respect for my parents now that I'm like, I don't know pseudo an adult. When I think about like when I was a kid... And like I remember when we were in school like my parents would always be like "Call me before you go somewhere. Call me when you get back." And you know, like if we went out somewhere, and we stayed out until like 2 or 3 in the morning,[13] you don't really want to call them at 3 in the morning. You're like "It's fine. I'll just call them whenever I get there," and they would be like so mad at me, because they didn't have peace of mind I was back in my dorm safe. And I did not get that in school. I was like just it cool, it's college, like I'm fine. But now that I'm an adult, I'm just like oh my goodness there so many crazy things happening in the world! How do people with kids deal with like just sending their kids to school?
00:15:38	S:	Right, even just sending them to school is like... And remembering like themselves, and like taking time for themselves whether they are like a mom or a dad. Like how important is the feeling of peace to like be maintained when you remember yourself? But you're a functioning human, too. Yes it's important for your kids to get everything they need, but how do you remember to take time out to relax your mind and do things that you like to do even. I don't know how they do it.
00:16:19	R:	I don't either. I cannot imagine. Like I get yeah... Keeping peace for like multiple people. Like if you have multiple kids, keeping the peace between the kids. Yeah that's mind-blowing.
00:16:39	S:	So I was reflecting on peace in the aspect, too, of trying to take peace away from yourself and give it to others. A lot of times I feel like we sacrifice our own peace so that others can have peace.
00:17:00	R:	Yeah I feel like I did that a lot more when I was younger.
00:17:05	S:	Really?
00:17:06	R:	Yeah. I...OK so I would say I went through this phase where I wanted to avoid conflict, because I had a really short temper in like middle school and high school, and then I have mellowed out by the time I got to college. At that point I think because I was trying not to have such a short temper, like I wanted other people to be OK. So if I thought that I said something that offended them, or whatever, I was like really quick to like apologize and try to like soothe it out and like make sure they were okay. I feel like that phase went on for while, and then I don't know. Somebody just made me mad, and I was like "You know what? No. You just gon' have to be mad!" 😂 And then... And I think I king of snapped me out of it a little bit, but sometimes I still find myself, you know, not saying necessarily what I want to say because I'm afraid that it's going to like rock the boat with the other person.
00:18:07	S:	Yeah. It's still important to say what you feel, but I understand that like sometimes you have to have a filter.
00:18:16	R:	Yeah. Filters are important, and not just on Instagram.
00:18:19	R+S:	😂
00:18:22	S:	Not just on your selfies.
00:18:25	R:	Yeah. 😂
00:18:27	S:	But sometimes I feel like we may filter ourselves too much. Sometimes I don't think I stand up for myself the way I should, and maybe I would be more at peace if I could really say how I felt in a moment. You know?
00:18:40	R:	Yeah. Yeah, I think... Have you ever had like the conversation replays? Where, like just that. Where it's like in the moment you didn't say something, but then you replay that conversation over and over about what you should have said or what you wish you had said.
00:19:01	S:	Yup. All the time.
00:19:27	R:	I feel like that's where a lot of my like grudges come in. And most of the time it's with people that I felt like I didn't have a right to say anything with. So like professors in school or like when I was a kid like adults that you're supposed to respect your elders and things like that, so would hold my tongue. And then like even now, that I should have told them this, this, and this. Yeah, I think you're on to something there.
00:19:37	S:	Or sometimes your emotions are just so heated in the moment. You're either like so sad or so angry that like you're not thinking with a level head, but when you step out of it, you have that level-head, and you can really like decipher how you really felt about the
00:19:58	R:	Oh yeah. Yeah. Hindsight is 20/20. Every time. I think... I said when I felt the most at peace. Did you? I know you said you could see why I said college, was that your answer, too or did you have a different answer?
00:20:19	S:	I never really thought that I felt the most at peace at college. I don't know. You mean like a moment in time?
00:20:30	R:	Yeah. I mean it could be just like a second.
00:20:34	S:	Right. Like I just feel like I have a whole bunch of little moments. Like I don't feel like there's one long time, were I would say, unless I have the most little moments during a little time. I don't know. But, I feel like I have little moments where I reflect and I'm just like able to let things go.
00:20:58	R:	That's good though. I feel like... I feel like small moments here and there is probably better than one like extended moment and then you never have it again. And I mean, I still have moments of peace now; I just feel like in college it was probably like an overall feeling of peace with you know like random bouts of anxiety, whereas now it's more like more anxiety with smaller portions of peace.
00:21:31	S:	Yeah because now we have more weight. Like more weight on our shoulders, like more things to think about or we find those problems to be more important now. They're different. Whereas before, it was like... I don't know, what did we worry about in college? You of course worry about your grades, but sometimes I don't even think I put that as a priority, 'cause like I'm terrible. 😂 So maybe I was worried about boys and ugh, I don't know.
00:22:06	R:	Yeah I mean I feel like... I feel like that one doesn't really go away until you're like married.
00:22:13	S:	😂
00:22:15	R:	Still sometimes I'm just like, "Oh. Yeah, I'm still not at peace because of a guy or something."
00:22:21	S:	😂I don't think men bring peace at all. That's terrible.
00:22:29	R:	😂 I'm sure that if Devin was with us, he would say that women don't bring peace, either.[14]
00:22:34	S:	Yes. If Devin were here—and hopefully he will listen—he would be very offended by our comments.
00:22:41	R:	😂I mean in that same vein, I feel like friendship can bring peace. 'Cause I definitely... Like with you guys, like I'll text you guys and be like "Yo, I'm freaking out." And like I feel like when I don't have that moment of clarity, like other people can have it. Like you guys will text me back and be like "That stupid. It's fine. Like stop worrying about that."
00:23:04	S:	Right. Yup. aAnd even when it's not stupid, or it is serious, just having someone there to listen and say everything's going to be OK. Things might suck right now, but everything always works out. Sometimes that's just what you need to hear, because you're just all up and upset.
00:23:29	S:	Yeah I think that support is crucial. Having someone to lean on, knowing that somebody cares—I think even more so than knowing that it's going to be OK. Like for instance, like when somebody dies. I mean people say "Oh, it's going to be okay," and you know that the person is not coming back—like this is an reversible like change in your life, but knowing that there are other people that care about you is what like soothes that pain or that issue. I feel like that's what's the most peaceful. But if we were like trying to cultivate peace, like obviously from a... I don't know, From a literal standpoint, where peace is about like safety and things like that, you know we try not to put ourselves in harm's way. And we try not to put ourselves in situations that are specifically unsafe, or you know that you're not just going to run into an unsafe environment or something like that if you can help it. But even if you are, because there are lots of people who can't help it, you know. People who live in, you know, certain neighborhoods maybe there's like a lot of gang violence or something. Like you can't necessarily just turn that on or off. How would you go about seeking peace? Like those little moments of peace, just like for yourself in like stressful environments.
00:25:10	S:	Peace is so relative to the person and the place. Like for someone that's for say in the military, a terrible environment, how do they find peace? And I'm not really sure, because I've never been in that situation. But we've stressed so much the value of like relationships, and people and family. And so I think what would be the most important to them, or anyone that's in a stressful environment, would be just that. You know what I mean—friends, family, and ways to seek out them and speak with them and comfort them, and you know.
00:26:04	R:	Definitely. I, so actually when I was in grad school, I had like serious anxiety for a while. I went through like I don't know I went through this series of months that was just horrible. So first I got bit by a spider, which I'm allergic to spiders, and I was allergic to the medicine they gave me for the spider bite.[15] I like kept throwing up, and so I couldn't eat for like a week. And then as soon as I got over all of that, I found out that I had like a month to write this like massive paper and try to move on to the next phase in my program. And so, I didn't sleep for the entire month. Ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but what I really mean is like I was going to sleep at like 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning, and then getting back up at like 7. And when I got through with that I was just like super wound up. I was... Like my heart rate was excessive and when I went to the doctor for something else they were like you have like anxiety. And so they referred me to talk to like the campus mental health person, because FYI for those of you are in school, your school probably has some sort of counseling program for mental health, and you probably get free visits at least like a couple of free visits a year. And that's how it is. At least that's how it is at Clemson. And so I went and talked to them, and they had me go through these classes on anxiety and like creating peace in a moment of anxiety. I'm not really certain this would work on like a battlefield, 'cause like I said I've never been on a battlefield. But like, you know, they would have you like picture yourself somewhere that gives you comfort. So like for instance, like with the military, your family may not be within arm's reach. Like you can't necessarily get a hug from your family, and depending on the situation and how intense the fighting is, you may not be able to call them at that exact moment. And so you know, they were basically suggesting you know that you would like picture being with them, if that's where your peace comes from or like you could picture yourself on the beach. And then you focus in on what the beach would sound like, what the smell of the air smells like, and things like that. And just kind of like redirecting your senses to like focus in on something else that takes your mind off of whatever's giving you that anxiety. It actually worked pretty well. Like, you know, when I would get you super stressed out about school, I think that was really helpful. As I got out of school, you know, I kind of stopped. I mean sometimes I still imagine myself other places, but I also would try like praying. And you know sometimes that can help, because even though you don't necessarily have your friend right there or your family member right there, you have like God at arms length. Which is a definite way of you know having that connection to somebody when you need it, and I guess that's on like a more immediate situation.[16] But I also tried to think of things that could help with peace like overall. You know, like some people like say like flowers. So like putting flowers at your desk at work to look at so that you don't get stressed out at work. Or I don't know. Like I'm one of those people, I have to add color to everything. Like if there's no color, I would just feel like I'm in a hospital!
00:30:14	S:	Sheesh! My job!
00:30:17	R+S:	😂
00:30:21	R:	No that there's anything wrong with working at a hospital. I just don't want to be like a patient in the hospital—I want to be healthy. I don't know
00:30:31	S:	We talked about the difference of our jobs today. I was like, "My job is never... I never feel at peace at my job." And you were like "Sometimes I feel at peace at my job." And I'm like, "Aw that's so different." 😂
00:30:45	R:	Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's because your job is... I can't imagine doing what you do, just off the bat. Like I feel like I would be so nervous. But it's also like when I mess up on my job, it's just... It's almost like job security, because I'm supposed to develop code but I'm also supposed to fix code. So if I develop code that's broken, then I just have to fix the code that I broke—that sounds so bad; I don't do that.[17] But it's not really that big of a deal if I mess up at work, which I think is why I typically have a lower stress level at the job that I have now. And then again, it's the people. The people I work with are really cool. They're pretty helpful. They're pretty laid-back which aids in that environment. But I feel like, you know, when you're at the hospital and you're trying to treat patients it's like there's a higher level of like severity to it and I of like seriousness. And of course, I'm pretty sure you get crazy patients.
00:31:59	S:	Yeah. When&mdahs;well, I'm a nurse by the way; I guess we never said that, we just assumed everyone knew what I did.[18] But let's step back know. You said like the people you are around. That like means so much. The support at the workplace to remind you to like remember yourself and remember your peace, even though we don't say that. But remind you to like go have a snack, like take a walk, like take a breather. Or offer their help, and then like actually help you—makes you have like a moment of peace, you know what I mean. And helps you to make it through the shift, so that you're at peace when it's over and are clocking out. 😂
00:32:55	R:	Yeah... Yeah. That's definitely part of. OK, so when I first started working at my job, they gave me this device to work on, and I type this command in the wrong window. So I had like multiple windows up on my computer, and one of the windows went to the device and one of the windows went to like my computer. And I basically erased everything on the device, like the entire file system of the device by accident.[19] And I felt like such an idiot, and I had only been working there for a couple of days, so I didn't know how to like fix it or like if I had irrevocably like broken the device. And I had to go up to like my boss and say like, "I broke this, how do I fix it? Is it broken for good? What do I do?" I was so embarrassed, 'cause it just seems like such like a boneheaded thing to do. But when I told my boss, he just laughed and he was like, "I've done that before." And it just made it so much more peaceful, because the moment that all that tension was broken, it was like "Oh OK, it's not a big deal!" and that's really important too.
00:34:20	S:	Yeah. I feel like our common denominator is people, in like what helps us keep like our equilibrium and like our peaceful state of Mind, is other people.
00:34:33	R:	Yeah, in some senses. And that being said, I think that kind of gives us a responsibility to help other people keep their peace. Like if I'm helping you keep your peace, and you're helping me keep my peace, then we should both have peace.
00:34:58	S:	I don't think we always think about that, 'cause we're so wrapped up in our own lives and our own things. But that kind of touches on what I said earlier like taking away maybe your temporary moment to give to someone else, in order to make them feel well, and help them get to where they want to be.
00:35:27	R:	Yeah definitely. 'Cause I feel like the whole breakdown of peace is when like you said when we forget to do that, because it's when I choose to ignore your need for peace, and do something crazy. And so, now I'm not at peace, you're not at peace, and we're both like doing crazy things. Whereas if we both step back and I say, "look OK, what can I do to help her be at peace?" and if you're saying the same thing, then we can come to like peaceful agreement or something. The world would be so much better if we could handle that.
00:36:06	S:	Right. I wish the student loan companies would say, "What can I do her feel at peace?"
00:36:14	R:	Oh my goodness! I could answer that question: they could forget that I owe them anything.
00:36:19	R+S:	😂
00:36:22	S:	And then I would have so much peace!
00:36:26	R:	Yeah oh goodness!
00:36:29	S:	But no. Taking ownership of that, and deciding to be more financially conscious, and managing my money well, and taking steps to relieve my debt, that would make me feel at peace.
00:36:44	R:	Yeah, I'm working on that. Imma get it. I'm going to get it paid, so I can have peace of financial mind. But I think that's also a thing. You know, people have the saying like, "money can't buy happiness," and I totally agree with that, but I do think that having like financial stability adds to your peace. Because it's one less thing you have to worry about.
00:37:13	S:	And some things that we enjoy cost money. I mean let's be real, like you want to travel to beautiful places, and that wonderful you think of when you're anxious, it cost money.
00:37:28	R:	Yeah. Even just like, I don't know. Like having a job that pays well, for instance, like I have friends that work... So the place that I work, I work as a salaried employee, but some people are like hourly employees. So you have to put in so many hours, and that mandates your paycheck. And the thing about it is, because I'm salaried I get so many days that I get to take off, where I just get paid. So like I can take off on Friday, as a mental health day. Like if something happens, you know, if I'm just not feeling up to it. If I just need a day to myself, and I say, I do want to go to the beach. I can take that day off and my check doesn't get smaller, but in certain fields you don't have that liberty. Or like I know there's a lady at my church that works 4 jobs—I don't know how she does it, but she works 4 jobs to pay like rent and keep food on her table and all of these things. And I'm like you can't just, you can't just take a break for you. In that sense, I think money can definitely help with your peace, and I really wish that there were better options for people who don't have that financial liberty, or who have those types of jobs. Because, I mean I get the whole like "Oh you get paid for when you're here, excetera excetera," but I really do think the U.S. should do something about like paying for some sort of mental health days. 'Cause I think that's why people crack up. Sometimes you just need a day to yourself to breathe.
00:39:20	S:	Yeah, and it's like trying not to overextend yourself and putting yourself in a situation where you're able to take care of yourself and your family. And I agree that stability is very freeing and peaceful if everything is going the way you want it to go.
00:39:49	R:	Yeah. Do you have any other thoughts on peace before we go?
00:39:54	S:	I feel like this conversation was very eye-opening. You know, to help me make steps like in my own life to ensure that I have more sense of peace more often.
00:40:09	R:	Definitely. And I think, just talking about peace with someone. Like I said in the beginning, I've never talked about peace with anyone. Like we have conversations about love; we talk about like happiness, and being sad, and you know whatever, but I feel like we should talk about peace more often, too.
00:40:26	S:	Yeah. And really reach out to people you love and friends and family more often to make sure that they're doing that for themselves, 'cause it's so important.
00:40:40	R:	Yeah, definitely. Well, thank you for hanging out with me, and joining me on the podcast. I appreciate it
00:40:48	S:	thank you so much for asking me!
00:40:51	R:	For my listeners out there, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope that this was beneficial to you, and that you will go forth cultivating peace in your life, is very important I don't know how we can keep sane in this world without trying to get some semblance of peace and help other people have peace as well. So in the meantime, I want you guys to check out the website. Subscribe, like, all of those things! You can find a transcript for this particular episode at www.psmalstogod.com/peace, and I will see you guys in the next episode. Thanks!