A Message to My Future Self

I hope you don't think I'm crazy,
That every decision I was resolved to make
Was acceptable and for the best—
I hope you're somewhere scenic,
Watching squirrels run through trees
And listening to water flow in streams.
I hope you found someone
As adventerous and crazy as you,
Who balances you out and loves you.
I hope you're still learning,
That you're finally fluent
In a language other than English.
I hope you're happy
I hope you love
I hope you're the better parts of me

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Drew Beamer

Focus

My mind is all over the place—
I can't focus on what I need
Details are slipping past me,
Information falling through the cracks...
It seems like I'm careless
And I can't figure out why.
All these tasks on my to-do list
...Meetings to attend—
My mind is overwhelmed,
But I've surpressed my anxiety
And instad of identifying stress,
I simply lose the details—
The big picture is a chaotic mess.

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Eric Rothermel

Ecclesiastes 3: A Time For Everything

If I was in some weird experiment where I had to give advice to someone without knowing the problem, I'd direct them to Ecclesiastes 3:1-9. Granted, I don't think it fixes all problems (especially not without discussion) but it covers pretty much everything.

Introduction

If you've been following along, you probably wondered why I skipped from Ecclesiastes 1&2 to Ecclesiastes 4 without talking about Ecclesiastes 3. I wish I had some grand reason, but the truth it is, I wrote the following post back in August with the intent to publish it before I published the post on Ecclesiastes 4. Evidently, after I finished the post, I waited to publish it to find an appropriate picture and somehow forgot all about it. So, this post has been sitting in my drafts since late August... Well, as this chapter famously states, there's a time for everything and I guess this is the appointed time God had for it's publication. Sorry for the delay!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 is probably the most well remembered and often quoted passage from Ecclesiastes. I've even heard non-believers quote these verses or at least the essence of these verses. Once Solomon explains to us that there are seasons for everything in our lives, he delves into an interesting discussion on death.
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Seasons

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Curtis MacNewton

When I was in middle school, I felt like everyone quoted this passage on repeat for every situation. It was hard to take in the beauty of Solomon's words because I was so busy trying to get to the next season. However, each season is necessary to enjoy the others! What's more, just like every region on the planet experiences seasons differently, and even at different times, we experiences our season at different rates and magnitudes.

Despite it being cliche, these verses really do cover most life experiences. Solomon doesn't just give us these verses to remember for our own situations, however. Each verse gives us advice on choosing appropriate behavior among others. We must use the discernment of the Holy Spirit to determine when we should speak up and when we should fall back, when we should carry on with the fun versus when we withdraw into a more solemn stance. We must know which battles are worthy of being fought—even God will declare war on Satan when the time is right.

If I had to give advice without knowing the problem, this is the passage I'd direct the person to.

Finality

I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.Ecclesiastes 3:14 KJV

I find myself telling people "God has a plan for your life" all the time. Ecclesiastes 3:14 is the verse I need to be quoting. Nothing can change the destiny God has set for us. God appointed David king, nothing was going to change that. God said He's going to put an end to evil, nothing is going to change that. If you hand over your life to God and let Him map out your future, you are guaranteed to end up where He wants you. Neither the devil nor your earthly enemies can change that.

Death

Solomon reminds us that we are no better than animals when it comes to death. This is the ultimate punishment for sin—we must die. He concludes that the only thing that separates us is our works. This is a key statement for the faith vs. works debate. The reason we should rejoice over our works is because we were given the free will to complete them. Our faith in God (which is what saves us) dictates our behavior and we have the choice to believe or not believe. Animals don't have this luxury.

Time is of the Essence

I thought free time was what I needed—
Empty days and easy planning
Where the words can flow freely
And stories can be told
But my mind is blank
And my body tired...
Time is not the issue

Second Day

Time rushes by me

And I never see it past

Didn't have the time to see

What did or didn't last--

When the dates roll by

And the hours tick on

The work piles up high

And dust turns to dawn...

Stop, take a deep breath

A moment to enjoy the day

Thankful for life and health,

Let any problems fall away--

Here's to to stopping the clock

If only for a moment in time

We create a mental block

To wipe away all the grime.

Forever Young

There was a pause

And then suddenly,

    I was no longer a child

And suddenly...

I expected adolescence to begin

But it never did--

Forever young, forever this.

A long, long pause.

And suddenly the world moves

Time ticks again

And suddenly

    I am no longer a child

Adolescence has passed

But it appears nonetheless

My body is confused...

The pause ends and acne begins--

Days

Every day
You wake up, get out of bed
You're just trying to live life
And every day
Something happens
Something grabs you--
Makes you realize, every day
The world isn't changing
The world is standing still.
And every day
Truth is something you don't want to hear,
Truth is something that always hurts
Because every day
Human beings are not acting like
Human beings are expected to behave
And every day
Mankind is ok with killing
Mankind is ok with doing the wrong thing.
Every day
Lessons are not learned from the past
Lessons are reactive and not proactive...
Because every day
We grow further apart
We grow in stubbornness
And every day
Is a day we can't get back
Is a day we didn't move forward.

One Day More

A week becomes a day
A day becomes an hour
And in the blink of an eye,
The world has changed.
Nothing stays the same,
Consistency is reserved for liquids
     and even they thin and thicken
Like bonds and customs
Like chains and freedom--
We experience a new day
Set in a new world
And before we can adjust
Change is upon us once again.

The Gift Time Stole

Can I be still for a moment--

Listening to the sound of the wind

How it passes gently through the trees...

Can I be still--just this one moment

Silence: the sound of the passing breeze

How it flutters around me with such ease

And I--helplessly falling to my knees...

A slave bound to time

Unable to be still

For the world will not stop

Work to survive--

     to just get by

But I'm looking for something beautiful

Something I know is right.

What is this stillness?

This quiet moment overwhelms--

Peace, like a lily 

     heavy in the morning dew

Peace, like the dream that always comes true

And I--still in this moment waiting--

Starring out at the horizon, blue

Waiting for the clarity I accrue...

Let go of time

Let it stand still

And when you stop

For moment passing by

The world is beautiful

The world feels right.

When Change Comes

We change

We grow

And change is all we have

All we ever learn or accept

Sometimes--

We understand

We think.

No one

Knows change

And change favors none of us

But drags us on through time

Expectantly--

No one

Can prepare.

But alas

Change comes

Like clockwork, the spinning of gears

We spin in circles avoiding fears

Stagnating--

We avoid

In vain

Joy

When life is filled so much with joy

I cease count of hours passing by
Enjoy each sight catching my eye
When joy spills out naturally...

Crystal clear happiness and cheer--
Artistically drawn beauty
Speechless, I watch with humble pride.

When life is filled so much with joy.

Yearbook Memories

Distant memories of people past
Days, hours, minutes that did not last
Time didn't wait for us to grow
Life moved on so long ago.

Pictures fade--the words begin to disappear
Emptiness in frames hollow and clear,
Stare back at us in solemn woe
Life moved on so long ago

Bittersweet, the chapter must always end
A vague and beautiful memory of a friend
Of  a time when life was constant and slow,
Life moved on so long ago.

Echo of the Firework

Staring out the window

Out into the city lights,

Watching the colors burst

Higher, in the black of the night--

Bright sparkles falling fast,

Each chemical burns bright, 

But the colors, they can't last

They're bound to disappear

Bound to fade away

And all that's left is the memory,

The echo of explosions past,

It was beautiful for a minute

Even if it was never meant to last.

I don't know if these are real or not, but I'd pay big money to see this live 😁

TimeTraveler

The threads of time unravel,
The fabric comes apart
And in his mind
He sees a way to depart...

Travel forward and backward
Through the waves of his mind
Even if he can't affect the physical world,
Even if it's only for a moment in time.

Excuses Are Tools of the Incompetent

Failure

A house made of thin glass—

I can see straight through it,

Shatter every brick with a single blow,

It is unstable, an excuse:

It will get you no where,

Will do you no good...

You appear the fool

For claiming this monstrosity

Shoddy architecture and crumbling walls

The world only sees a failure

And attaches your name.

What Are Excuses?

One of the first things you learn when you go about joining a BGLO is what an excuse is. There are many versions of the definition Greeks learn, but they all say the same thing, and once you learn the definition, you will be taught that there are no excuses. There is simply a completed task or an uncompleted task. During your process, it's annoying, but once you're on the other side, it's something that really gets you to focus your time management skills. When you have exams, homework, projects, obligations from other organizations, chapter meetings, chapter events, step practice, new member processes, community service, and you're supposed to be attending other organizations events to show support, it's easy to start prioritizing and give excuses for why the things on the bottom of the list didn't get done. "I didn't come to step practice because I had a test." "I didn't do well on the test because I went to step practice." 

And right after you articulate this, someone is likely to say to you "what are excuses?" Your chapter isn't going to take excuses for why you missed chapter events, practices, etc. This makes the chapter weak and possibly makes them look bad. On the flip side, you're in college to be a student and there are GPA requirements for Greek organizations so the chapter doesn't want you dropping your grades either (granted this is a point of contention in some chapters—as I said in a previous post, these points are only valid if you join a chapter that has their stuff together). This leaves you in the position of learning to manage your time accordingly. You need to be able to successfully dedicate your time to everything you are required to do.

On top of time management, you learn honesty. You learn to say "I didn't finish this because I didn't allot enough time for it" or "I messed up in the show because I didn't practice enough." You can't improve yourself when you blame your short comings on things that are not the problem. When you say "I was sick" but really you just had a minor headache, you're wasting your own time. If you can realize that you failed because you didn't try hard enough or you didn't manage your time wisely, you can correct your problem. If you didn't show up because so-and-so didn't remind you, you imply that it's so-and-so's responsibility to make sure you know your schedule. Eliminating excuses ensures that you recognize two important things: 1) the task did not get completed and 2) it is you who did not complete it. This puts a lot of things into perspective. There are no excuses for failing, it may mean saying no to certain things, working harder, staying up later/waking up earlier, but at the end of the day, it has to be done. Looking at life this way definitely improved my focus as well as my time management skills; everything has to get done and everything has to be completed to a quality standard. 

Saving Moments

The slow chiming of bells
Resonating above the familiar ticking
Of hands circling a well worn face--
Stop to savor the moment
One second of one minute
Echoing in perfect pitch
And I wish I could hold the tone forever
Relish in this one second of time
Embroider images in the length of the chime
Vision of experiences past
Merging into promises of the future
All dancing around this one second
This present of the present time--
While my eyes drink in each passing tick
I wrap myself like ribbon
Around this moment,
Wrapped up and preserved forever.

60 seconds

60 seconds of silence
Hands on the clock
Lift from the face
Human in their new endeavor...
Hop between each tick
Deep, weary steps
A rut in time's circumference
Swirled and decorated
A tragic love story
Danced between numerals
Minutes to hours,
Hours to seconds,
Hand in hand
Around and a around
Until the minute is up.

Photocredit: Unsplash.com/Thomas Bormans

The Dress

Bulging at the seams,
Threads begin to stretch
A dress of splendor
Shamed with lost sequins
Fabric sagging dull and depleted
Hanging under dust
Forgotten behind the new
Strong, full, and worn
Waiting to be remembered,
Hard with which to part
And useless upon the hanger.

1-1-2014

The future is blurry,
A vision I'm desperate to see
But fearful to know...
Each second a step deeper
Plunging me into the unknown
Bittersweet anxiety
Clothed in anticipation
And I'm anxious
To move forward,
Afraid to turn back
But unsure where to step;
Another second passes...

Memories

Thoughts drift,
To times less complex,
To faces, to memories
To people I miss
And images fade
Over time, worn away
Wait for the pieces
To reappear.